"You don't have to think about doing the right thing. If you're for the right thing, then you do it without thinking."
~ Maya Angelou

September 28, 2011

The Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Stealing one from Mr. Hall (for those that have been around for a few I know you get the reference).  I awoke this morning with my mind reflecting on a recent interaction.  Writing is so wonderful and it can be a great opportunity to express, process, and clear one's mind.  However, when one writes he/she has an understanding of the meaning behind their words, their intention of these words, and most importantly they are comfortable with their choice to share with others.  We all know that technology has taken the written word to another level.  Whether it is in this format, an email, text, etc.  The thing that makes me go Hmmm is often the reaction, interpretation, and quite honestly the misinterpretation of, that clearly goes against your intention.  Yes, we all have the right to have our own opinion, which is basically our own interpretation of.  However, one's opinion (interpretation of) is not often the truth... and because of this heavy emotion often can be projected towards the authentic one, the one who is whole, the one who has enough, the one who no longer looks to others for definition, or completion, or anything but companionship on the journey...

Life is wonderful.  Words can cause pain and suffering, and often they do.  The great thing about life is one's ability to embrace these moments with an open heart, and as always the opportunity to learn and grow.  It's hard at times, real hard, but never impossible or out of our reach.  So, keep on breathing, keep on living, and if yesterday was a tough one, may today be a better one, it's all good!

September 26, 2011

There Will Come A Time

Life...  It really is what you make of it while you are living it.  Let me explain.  As we know, life is filled with many challenges, obstacles, and barriers.  With that being said there are still many opportunities to live a quality of life that is right, fair, honest, respectful, and all that goes into living it, and loving it.  Those that do not get this, or have chosen to be concerned with their own self interests, or shall I say narcissistic ways will one day reflect on this and perhaps ask, why don't I have meaningful relationships and opportunities?  Why do I find myself often on the opposite side of the fence?  You see, there is this thing called the stages of development.  These stages represent our entire cycle of life, from birth to death. So, there does come a time when you are in your later years of life, and you begin to reflect on what you have done in your life? How you have treated others?  Why you have lost contact with someone, or do not have a relationship with someone?  Point being, how you chose to live your life will reflect the quality (of your life), and as you begin to move into your later years you will reflect.  So, let us all be aware that we have some control of the quality of our lives, even when our lives are challenged.  It begins years before you move towards the later years of life.  Change is always possible.  You just have to be prepared for the outcome met by those who may feel, you should of started much earlier and so...

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world.  The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt 
the world to himself.
George Bernard Shaw

September 24, 2011

The Phoenix Process

Our lives ask us to die and to be reborn every time we confront change.  Change within ourselves and change in our world.  

When we descend all the way down to the bottom of a loss, and dwell patiently, with an open heart, in the darkness and pain, we can bring back up with us the sweetness of life and the exhilaration of inner growth.  When there is nothing left to lose, we find the true self.  The self that is whole, the self that is enough, the self that no longer looks to others for definition, or completion, or anything but companionship on the journey.

This is the way to live a meaningful and hopeful life.  A life of real happiness and inner peace.  This is the Phoenix Process.
(Elizabeth Lesser from Broken Open)

September 23, 2011

The Friday

I have this saying "even those you don't care for, you love them a little more on Fridays."  If you think about it those who we cross paths with that come at you with negative action and behavior, are they really that unhappy?  Is their life and world filled with nothing positive?  Not necessarily...  The way I see it is they are suffering, and they are in pain.  The only difficulty with that one is that quite often they have no idea as to why they are so miserable, they have suppressed it for so long, or have blamed or pointed the finger towards others that often they project (taking it out on) their angst on everyone they come in to contact with.  Their behavior has become a natural occurrence.  So, why do people behave this way?  There are many reasons, some clearly present, some suppressed deep within their being.  A wonderful woman who has inspired and enlightened me on many occasions offered this, " their buckets are empty, and they just need a little filling (of their bucket)."  I agree.  Often those who are suffering and in pain do not often feel they have many positive experiences or support, primarily of their own doing.  They just don't believe anyone cares, understands, or honestly can do anything to change their circumstances.

It is troubling to witness this, I will not deny.  However, in order to change for the better you have to recognize, commit to change, and work, work, and work!  So, for those out there who feel the world is not fair, it's done you wrong, you just can't get over the hump...  Please start to understand that your suffering is more than likely created by your own actions and behavior.  A behavior that may be so ingrained within you that you just can't figure out where to start to change.  Well, don't think of the long term solution, just start on today, and then tomorrow, be patient, trust yourself, allow others in to your world, those that can support you in a positive way, get outside, breathe, and most importantly...  Understand that life is not a dress rehearsal, there are no do overs, you have to stop living in the past, it has already happened and you can not change that, what is done is done. If you continue down this path, your future and all and everything that you come in contact with will never be satisfactory or positive in your interpretation of.  Use this pain and suffering as a motivating force to fight on, stand up and stay up.  It is within all of us!  Happy Friday to all..

"Hope is like a path in the countryside. 
Originally there was no path yet, 
as people are walking all the time in the same spot, 
a way appears."
 Lu Xun

September 20, 2011

Needing It Vs. Wanting It

Yeah this one is just one of those that can challenge not only those in the profession of helping others, but in your personal worlds when you are trying to be supportive, available and present for those you care for.  If you have not heard the words " Needing It versus Wanting It" let me explain.  When someone is in a stage, phase, period etc. in life when the world just doesn't fit their needs, they are in pain, they are suffering, and no matter what intervention (s), help, or support is thrown their way they just can't respond in a healthy positive way.  The reason (s) are many.  For example, someones skill set, drug and alcohol abuse/addiction, development (lack of or stopped due to trauma or tragedy), environmental influences, lack of a positive support system etc.  As Social Worker' we face this on an ongoing basis, it is something in our profession that is prominent, and with some often permanent.  However,when you are trained as a Social Worker you are trained that you begin/start where the client is at.  For example, our assessment begins at the first point of contact, whether its a face to face, a letter, phone call, consultation with family, friends, schools, community partnerships etc.  This is crucial in our practice, you need so much of everything to make a fair and objective assessment so you can really tap in to someones pain and suffering, skill set, capability and ability, motivation to change etc.  With that being said it never makes it easy when it comes to your friends and family.  You see, another part of our training is boundaries.  We are taught and trained not to be Social Workers in our personal worlds for the obvious and this is hard, particularly if you know so well how to identify/assess, treat, and all and everything that goes in to helping others change for the better...

I am not trying to be a Social Worker in my personal worlds, I really am not.  However, I am a Social  Worker by nature, I get it (how to help others change for the better) and do have the ability to really tap into someone else' pain and suffering,  Often it comes to me when I am not really asking for it.  It is challenging to say the least, and for someone like myself who by nature wants to be available and present for others, I have to be real disciplined with that boundary thing, and so I am.  The only problem with that is that often others can not really understand this, and when you are an active listener and those who know you see your "empathy" in it's truest form they gravitate to you.  What usually happens is you listen and speak when you need to, but one thing that this does not prevent is taking on the energy of someone' anger, frustration, pain and suffering.  So what do you do?  You do what you need to, to take care of you, a little thing in our professional world called " Self Care" something that is so vital and important to not only be healthy, but be effective as a helping professional. 

In closing let me just say that those who need help are very different from those who want help.  The first group are those with many roadblocks, which continue to produce many setbacks.  This doesn't mean that these individuals are bad people, often they are very functional and if you don't know what you are looking at or for you will just walk right past them.... The individuals who want help (also need help) are ready and available to listen, to work, they believe in the process and are ready to commit.  You see the difference?  Both groups need help and support, that is similar, but now which one has a better possibility of changing for the better?  I will leave you with that one, as always be strong, stand up and stay up!

September 19, 2011

It's All Good

Thank you to those who responded.  Your words, support, and love were appreciated and heard.  For those who have not responded it's all good, as I said previously you have to be ready and available to absorb and digest, and even if you have, not responding does not mean it's a bad thing. Those who know me well may just not feel like I need a response, perhaps so maybe I would really appreciate nothing other then if you heard me.  I am in a wonderful place and I am currently vested in the right direction with excitement and enthusiasm to see how it all unfolds.  So, be patient and in hopefully a short amount of time I will let you all know what is next.  Until then as always be well to your day, and your day shall be well to you...

            People Only See What They Are Prepared To See
 Ralph Waldo Emerson

September 9, 2011

When You Are Ready

It's been awhile since I posted...  You see my postings at the beginning were perhaps more for me, than those that may of been reading.  There was hope, challenge, inspiration, and words that were rooted in pain and suffering, if you knew what you were looking at, and for.  Now, I am at a place that has given me a new sense of direction.  I am empowered through much effort and work that has me self determined to once again help others change for the better.  So, if you can hear me?  Let me know, and I will respond with unconditional love and respect.  Until then be strong, stand up and stay up!      http://www.linkedin.com/pub/daniel-jacob-msw/26/384/165