Like Runnin A Marathon

A good friend of mine recently ran another marathon (yeah he is one dedicated and disciplined man).  Over the years I have admired and supported his efforts.  I live close by to the route (mile 7 to be exact) and to be able to cheer him on, while being connected to my community has been a wonderful experience, it teaches and reaches me.  Therefore, today's writing is inspired by this 26.2 act and the metaphor it represents for many of us, including myself.  Life as we know is a task, at times a challenge, one that provides us with many opportunities to improve and accomplish.  In a marathon you need to train for it, compete in it, and ultimately you will cross the finish line. There may be moments when you throw your hands up in the air "can't go on anymore" you've hit the wall.  In life we hit the wall from time to time don't we?  I know for myself that there have been many moments where I felt that I just couldn't do it.  However, I didn't give in or up, I rose up and challenged myself to move forward.  I've been running a marathon for quite some time, and I have hit the wall from time to time, but within these experiences I have moved closer to that line, one that leads all of us to opportunities and outcomes.  In fact today I had one of those opportunities...

I've been working really hard for the last several years, knocking down some walls, seeing through some space, not looking for answers but trusting the process.  Turns out the process led to an opening and that is exactly what can and does inspire, motivating one to keep on going.  Effort, persistence, and resiliency rewarded me in a manner that allowed me to break through the wall.  All the training, dedication, discipline, that goes in to changing for the better has renewed my belief that everything has and will work itself out.  Many say that running a marathon is so much of the mental process that goes in to the actual act, believing that you can, and will.  Sound familiar?  Yeah, that is in our power to believe that we will, and can get through anything.  If you want it, believe you can, and are willing to commit to it, well then! This is exactly what is needed to accomplish that 26.2, life is like running a marathon.  For all those that can hear me, don't stop believing in you, don't give up when it it feels like there is no opening.  Don't allow yourself to learn helpless ways, embrace where you are at and take action to change the quality of you.  Until we meet again you be well to yourself and hold on to the idea that you will get there, it's always possible!

"Take the first step in faith.  You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

When You Forgive You Live - Part 2

I came across a video today (its posted on our facebook page: www.facebook.com/DJcanyouhearme) that inspired me to write about forgiveness one more time.  Today's post is a little different than the post written back in November 2011 (with the same title) in content, but the outcome that I want you to embrace when one forgives is much the same.  Some say that when you forgive you allow yourself to let go of the unnecessary pain and suffering you've been holding on to.  By doing so you give yourself a better opportunity to move forward in a healthy and positive way.  Some say that when you embrace forgiveness, your way of life will change a part of your lens, and you won't walk through life the same, only better.  Well, depending upon your own experience with forgiveness I would only hope that you are able to understand this, and if not I only hope that you will someday allow yourself to get there.  Whatever it may be that one can hold on to, it is only causing more harm than not.  I hear you, can't seem to let go of what you associate with the cause of your pain and suffering, you keep telling yourself  "I've been done wrong!" We must recognize that the only one that is truly suffering as a result is ourselves. It's very important to hear those words "the only one that truly suffers is ourselves."  The root or cause of your pain does not suffer anymore or less when you hold on to it, and this is where your focus must be.  Do I want to move forward in a healthy manner, with positive outcomes and opportunities in the future?  Or, do I want to continue to suffer, and most likely create a direct course for negative outcomes and challenges along the way?

I write today about forgiveness because I am a recipient of the world that awaits when you forgive.  I am also the recipient of someone who has lived through the struggle to understand how to, why I should, and all that goes in to the obstacles and barriers that we can create for ourselves in the process.  However, when I did the work, had the courage to embrace what I could not change, I was able to understand and open the door.  I was able to begin the process of forgiveness, and it is a process as I believe that the road to and through forgiveness takes time, there are stages, it evolves as you do...  So, to all those that can hear me, if you are tired of the pain and suffering that you continue to endure, what would be the best option for you?  I know, I know, "you don't get it, it is not that easy."  Let me say it is more difficult when we make it more difficult by often creating the worst possible outcome, which is nothing more than one setting themselves up to fail because of ones own fear.  The reality often is more relief and acceptance, versus the discomfort or pain you may have always imagined being the case.  I'm talking from the heart here, but more importantly I am talking from the understanding and experience that imprisoned me in such a detrimental way, until, until I was able to forgive, that is when I was able to live!  You be well out there, be strong, stand up, and stay up!!!

Keep That Head Up!

This is the way it goes, and when we create the belief that we will get through the "whatever" that has us challenged, we can begin to see the possibilities.  I have learned this lesson through out the course of my days and I will continue to, so on this day may I say to all of those who can hear me, Keep That Head Up!

How Do You Deal With It?

Life is a ride and when you least want it to, often it takes you into a neighborhood that you really don't want to be in, so what do you do?  I'm not really talking about a trip in the car, but using a metaphor to help you relate to and identify with those times in your life that have you down.  We all have those moments when we are hard on ourselves, things are not working out as we hoped, and even when everything on the outside appears good and well, you still feel the funk and just can't break away from it.  I came across an article today that outlined some helpful strategies that one can benefit from when needed, and I wanted to share it with you: http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/stop-feeling-depressed/

While these suggestions from the article won’t eliminate your problems all at once, they can help you break a negative thought pattern and if so stop feeling depressed.  Now, if you think you might have a serious mental health problem and nothing is working to change your state, don’t hesitate to see a professional.  This is a really important lesson! We have to trust the professionals, believe me on this one and don't let your pride or stubbornness get in the way!  Remember, changing for the better is the hardest work out there, we can't do it alone.  That's all I have at this time but before I leave you let me say this.  Stay present, stay patient, appreciate what you have and don't get too caught up on what you don't have.  Be mindful and thankful for the life in front of you, all the rest will work itself out. It's all good!!!

Pain & Pleasure

"The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.  If you do that, you're in control of your life.  If you don't, life controls you."

Anthony Robbins

Good day to all!  I hope you are breathing well, or as well as you can as you move through the week.  I write today with purpose and another opportunity to share what I have learned so those that Can Hear Me can move with me and forward.  So, that quote above in bold is from the one and only Anthony "Tony" Robbins ever heard of him?  Sure you have and perhaps like myself if you really didn't have much of a reference point other than his infomercials and public perception, you may have thought of Mr. Robbins as a little bit of a gimmick, maybe a little short of a cult following or evangelical preacher type ready to jump at you and through you so he can help heal your pain and suffering.  Well, I will own up and say I was wrong about what I thought and it took another lesson to learn through the eyes of another, understanding their story, their past that shaped and influenced their choices, decisions, and opportunities to show me how Mr. Robbins came to having such a powerful platform and following.  I have to thank Oprah for the introduction, yup the icon herself has put together a new show called "Next Chapter" where she goes behind the scenes to bring us the real deal about public figures that often we form public opinions based on hear say or media portrayals, not always fact.  As I watched her show on Tony Robbins I began to understand him better, and the amount of effort, sacrifice, studying, and much more he has put into his craft.  I was intrigued enough to start reading one of his books (Awaken the Giant Within you can see more about this book on my shelfari shelf to the right) and I found that what he is speaking to made sense, I could relate to what he was saying and understood how it could be applied to actual life experiences.

The quote above resonated and I wanted to share this.  However, I feel we must remember that success is not necessarily defined by the $ amount.  Success is really having the opportunity to overcome the obstacles that have held one back, causing undue pain and suffering.  The ability and opportunity to take control of your life in a positive manner, that's real success.  I am only 100 pages into the book and although it was written 20 years ago and much in the world (that Mr. Robbins talks about) has changed, I am finding it to be another learning opportunity to see through the eyes of another.  It has allowed me to break away from a perception about the author that I was wrong about, and can honestly own up to.  When you recognize that and there is an opportunity to grow, learn, and move forward, well then that is not a bad thing!  So, if you are interested and consider yourself to be a work in progress you may want to do a little fact finding of your own and check out one of  Anthony "Tony" Robbins works.  Before I finish up let me leave you with some more words on the pain/pleasure concept per Mr. Robbins and straight from the pages of Awaken the Giant Within:

  

"It's not actual pain that drives us, but our fear that something will lead to pain.  And its not actual pleasure that drives us, but our belief- our sense of certainty- that somehow taking a certain action will lead to pleasure.  Were not driven by reality, but by our perception of reality!"

I write almost everyday in a journal.  It's something that I have picked up over the last few and it helps me breathe easier when at times its real hard.  Having the opportunity to write in this forum allows for the same outcome, but now I am able to share with others who I can support, empower, and only help move a little closer to living the quality of life that they deserve to have.  A life that that will always allow one to learn from yesterday, so that they can live today.  Until we meet again may this find all those that Can Hear Me in a wonderful way, remember its all good, and even when it may feel otherwise, its still all good!!!

Breaking Open...

by Daniel Jacob, MSW: Founder of Can You Hear Me?

Been a few since I last put down some words of hope, strength, and at the end of the day progress.  I find myself reflecting back to a period in my adult life that challenged me in a way that I had never experienced before.  Three years (to the date of this writing) have passed since I began a path that has me recovered in a manner that has changed the quality of my life in so many positive ways!  I have written and shared along the way in previous posts but today I feel its appropriate to share a part of me that has stayed mostly private, but not anymore as I have embraced the vulnerability that has moved me towards change, for the better!

The reflection takes me back to my job working away as a school social worker (you can refer to At The Crossroads posted last year to see where I was at during this period in my life) it was a typical work week, nothing too demanding other than the demands the job always provided.  I finished my week earlier than usual (on a Thursday) off to catch a plane (a red eye) to NYC for a family celebration, set to return to Los Angeles on Sunday, back to work on Monday.  New York represented some defining moments for me.  It was the place that I escaped to from an abusive period (physical and emotional) when I was a teen.  It represented a reconciliation with my father who over the years was distant and absent, and our relationship as a result wasn't much of one.  It represented getting to know a brother and sister who shared the same blood, but not much else due to distance, age differences, and my disconnect from that family system.  It also represented me traveling back in time (in my mind) reliving all that transpired up and to this point.  I wasn’t fearful or nervous about going, I was excited to go.  By this time in my life I had done some serious self work and had evolved into a healthy well adjusted man.  I was all about creating positive new memories with my family and my wife. However, when you time travel and reflect on some moments that challenged you to your knees, remembering what it took to overcome them, there is an energy that takes its own course of action, in this case it was intense and powerful!

What I didn’t see coming was 6 days of no sleep, a trip to the psych ER for a 5150 (code for a 72 hour psychiatric hold) assessment (and because of my training and insight I talked my way out of staying, not trying to be a hero, I just didn't want to stay), several days of the most extreme anxiety that I had ever experienced (the kind where you can not physically move) at my  house, a return back to the hospital for a 6 day stay followed by a discharge and then a return back 2 days later for a 24 hour stay in an emergency room bed!  This all began February of 2009 and the road back has been a path that has tested me beyond measure, but I made it through and as I have always done through out the course of my life, I fought and I moved forward!  Sometimes the unknown has its way of showing itself when it wants to, not when you do.  What happened to me happened because it needed to, and I was ready to work with it, cope, and begin to peel back the layers.  By addressing and understanding a past (that exposed me to transformative pain and suffering) in a manner that I never expected, it created a new part of me. 

The experience itself was intense and I will never forget what transpired, but by breaking open I was able to make some positive choices and decisions that have truly changed the quality of my life for the better.  One of the biggest was resigning from my job and committing to a new job, getting healthy and well.  You see, you can’t put a date or time on your wellness.  To be well you must commit to every day for the rest of your days.  The hardest work out there is changing for the better; it takes a tremendous amount effort, sacrifice, risk, discipline and much more.  However, when you commit to your well being you are able to see and feel many wonderful positive outcomes.  I am so strong, so empowered, and so aware of how to manage my well being these days, and it took this experience (and many moments prior) to show me the way.  What you have read is obviously the abbreviated version, and there is much more that can be shared.  Perhaps you can now see how my “Breaking Point” greatly influenced my decision to go out on my own (professionally) and share a part of me via my experiences, all of which are fundamental to what I bring into Can You Hear Me?

For all those that have and will fall down along the way, it’s going to be okay.  Yes, we helping professionals all have a story, something influenced our decision to help those in need.  When we suffer professionally it exacerbates the unresolved pain, trauma, and suffering that we carry within us.  We can not do justice out there if we are unable to help ourselves.  If you're willing to do the work while trusting your providers, you will see a change that will translate into opportunity that you deserve. We all fall, it's only a matter of how you get up, that’s when you learn, grow, and move forward.  So, stay strong, stand up and stay up, and as always may this find you well!


 About Author

Daniel Jacob, MSW Email
Founder of Can You Hear Me? External Field Instructor at University of Southern California School of Social Work MSW@USC.  Daniel has a Masters in Social Work (Families and Children Practice/School Social Work).  He is currently nearing the completion of the LCSW testing process as he continues to work towards progress!  More about the man behind the mission⇢

Pro Bono Offer!

Hello to those that can hear me.  As I write with intention and purpose I hope this finds you all well!  I just finished up some social media/video outreach for Can You Hear Me?   I can now add web designer and video producer to the list of newly acquired skills.  By no means am I an expert, but I feel that I have mastered what I needed to in order to get the word out and that is progress, and there is nothing wrong with that...  Today I announced a Pro Bono offer to the market I am trying to reach.   I will come to them and share my story and the only thing that it will cost those that can hear me is their time.  If you are interested in this offer or you know any organizations (in the Greater Los Angeles area) who can benefit from this offer, you can find more information at http://www.canyouhearme.org/Contact-Us.html  or to see it in the video format you can watch it here http://youtu.be/0v0MInRzPxs

I am ready to share my story and look forward to all opportunities that will come my way.  I have written it, I have visualized it, and the only thing that remains is for me to be front and center and share it with those that can hear me.  I will keep you informed as I do, until then be strong out there, stand up and stay up!

Can You Hear Me?

Today is a good day!  I have been in the midst of some abundant outreach and am pleased to introduce the first generation Can You Hear Me? website:  http://www.canyouhearme.org/   This project is something that I have been invested into for the last several and I am pleased with the outcome.  It covers the areas that I feel are necessary in order to get the Can You Hear Me? mission out to those who can receive and benefit from the services we provide.  I am proud of the efforts and strides I have made in the process of this endeavor.  Being in business brings about many new and challenging influences, for me one major one was coming to embrace the world of communication today, social media.  I had to embrace the idea that being private in my personal world was different then being public in my new professional world.  At first, I saw myself resisting that idea, but then as I subscribe to doing, I stepped back, acknowledged what was causing and creating my suffering, and then I resolved it.  I was able to accept the challenge, realizing that I had so much to give and share with my new venture, I had to put it out there.  I could not be an active participant in creating a negative outcome, my own.  When I call  myself a "work in progress" this example defines just that!  When we change a negative behavior into a positive one, well then we are headed in the right direction...

I look forward to seeing where this takes me.  By no means am I thinking that now that I have a website, business will come rolling in.  No, if this was the case then everyone, wait a minute, no need to go in that direction, I am staying present, I'm in my moment, one that has me in a good place.  Now where was I? As I was saying I look forward to whatever comes my way, I expect more challenges and uncertainty and I will embrace these moments as best as I may, never losing sight of what truly matters in the grand scheme of the healthy life I am doing my best to live.  Today is good day!  Today I took one giant step forward and introduced my own vulnerability and story to the masses.  I am ready, so if you can hear me I am right here!  Until then as always be well to yourself, take every day as another opportunity to learn from it, so that tomorrow you can really live it!

Words

Hello to those that can hear me!  I happened upon a new resource to help get our message out there.  Some of you may already be aware of  http://www.wordle.net/ but for those that are not Wordle is a tool for generating “word clouds” from text that you provide. The clouds give greater prominence to words that appear more frequently in the source text. You can tweak your clouds with different fonts, layouts, and color schemes. The images you create with Wordle are yours to use however you like. You can print them out, or save them to the Wordle gallery to share with all those that can here you.  I created a "Wordle" using the Can You Hear Me? mission statement you can check it out here http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/4822532/Can_You_Hear_Me%3F and I will be keeping it on our home page at the top right as well. The great thing about this resource is you can enter single words, large paragraphs, and other kind of cool variations of text.

I am plugging away on my website, should be up and running by next week.  It has been a learning experience that has taught me much, and given me a new level of respect to all the web designers out there.  I look forward to getting our message out there and allowing our market further opportunities to see what Can You Hear Me? has to provide.  May this find you all well as you continue to move forward with intention and purpose, until then as always be strong, stand up, and stay up!

You Choose...

"You are a product of your environment.  So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyze your life in terms of its environment.  Are the things around you helping you towards success - or are they holding you back?"

Clement Stone 

Whether you see this to be true or not, it is as straight froward as this quote.  If you surround yourself with a positive environment, one that will support your goals and dreams unconditionally, you will be one step closer to reaching them.  The choice is ours, and with all that we can not control, there is plenty that we can!  May this new week ahead, and the environment that you find yourself a part of give all those that can hear me...

What They Call It

The hump day...  We all know its the day that's in the middle of the work week right?  As if it refers to our weekly "work" life as such a trying endeavor to deserve this connotation.  I'm not seeing it that way and will choose to just call it Wednesday!  We have an opportunity to be mindful of the expectations that our culture and others put out there.  If we believe that we will be humping through the day as if it is going to be filled with discomfort, challenge, and many other factors associated with this attached energy, then guess what?  IT WILL BE A HUMP DAY! Any day can be this way, so I encourage all those that can hear me to create your own day, a day that will eliminate barriers while embracing all that comes your way, no matter how negative it may appear!

So, I'm in the middle of finishing up one read (Influencer) and 4 chapters into another (Outliers), more info can be found on both books at the Shelfari site to the right.  The Influencer is laid out like a training text, one that shows the reader how to access the power to change anything through our vital behaviors, motivation and ability. I have found the information to be both informative and practical, demonstrated by many real life examples and practices. I have learned some great things that I will definitely store in my tool box, and I now have another reference to go to when needed.  Outliers on the other hand (from what I have read thus far) is a little different.  The content also uses real life examples but they are derived from one's (the author) observation, case study', scientific experiments, etc. that showcase the world of the Outliers, defined as those that are outside the normal structure, whose success is directly associated by the benefits received from opportunity, chance, hours of practice, and other factors that I have yet to read about.  One book is showing the reader how to be successful by changing the influences that are creating an outcome that is not desired, and the other book is showing what influences one's success.  I am immersed into two different learning examples, different in style and example, yet they are both teaching me, and showing the way towards another opportunity...

There is so much to learn out there, and wouldn't you know, its right there waiting for us.  This is what motivates and inspires me, enough so that I am going to continue to share with all those that can hear me.  Through my example, one that I know can benefit others, it is just another opportunity, as Maya Angelou so graciously states "when you get give, when you learn teach."  What I share may not register for everyone who reads the words, but as I have learned along the way if it reaches one, that's a good start , because that one may reach another, and then what...  There is no joke behind my passion to help others change for the better, I will keep planting the seed, one that is not motivated by fame or fortune, but the gifts one receives from being witness to a quality of life change for the better. I wish all those that can hear me a beautiful day, one that is filled with intention, purpose, and positive outcomes, one that you have created for yourself.  Until we meet again as always be strong, stand up, and stay up!

Social Media

Alright I felt the need to digress about the world of social media as a tool to share.  By now anyone who is reading this has some type of relationship with the way we as a world now communicate.  You know the examples: facebook, twitter, linkedin, youtube, and many many others.  When we sign up for these sites we as individuals have an idea of how we want to use them, at least at first we do.  Some may feel that if they don't use them at all they may be missing out on something, or at least that is the "word on the street" according to many.  Some like myself may be turned on to these sites as an opportunity to further expand and share their professional endeavors, and just the same the "word on the street" according to the business gurus is the same, if your business is not communicating via social media you are missing a great opportunity.  So, after several days of creating and exploring in this world as a business owner I have learned a few things...
 
I have learned that it is very challenging to stop going on to these sites, often thinking about what the next move is, who is looking at what you are putting out there, "oh one more thing."  I literally had to stop myself from being completely immersed, and it doesn't help that social media is available (and at your finger tips) on our mobile devices!  The lesson that I am learning is that I have to do a really good job of not being so attached to what I am doing, what I am not doing, who is doing, and many more thoughts that "we" can create for ourselves.  I am learning that it really is not healthy to be so involved here, let alone on anything where it can easily affect and effect our well-being.  The thing is I don't have a problem with this in my personal world, and the reason is I don't use many of these sites.  I am a private man (some would say), not an introvert per say, and thus I stick to the phone call, email, and text mode of operation.  However, can't be too private when your are promoting and marketing a business, nope doesn't work that way.  I understand this, and I have accepted it and embraced this opportunity.  I say "opportunity" because anytime you can step out of your comfort zone, you are learning and being exposed to something new.  When this happens we expand and grow.  Therefore, this is the deal and I have signed up for it!

Alright, I thank all of those that can hear me for allowing me to share my thoughts here.  I know I am not alone in this and for all that can relate I hope you are able to know when it is time to step away and breathe.  I have promised myself that no matter where my path in this venture takes me, I will not be so completely immersed into the world of social media where I stop living.  There are many successful business folk out there, and as successful as they are, many do not have a good quality of life as a result of the time they spend trying to be successful.  I choose to always have a good (healthy) quality of life while I continue to balance (remember that lesson) my professional world.  With out me there is no Can You Hear Me?  I must always remember what is the most important part here as I hope you all can as well.  Until we meet again, be strong out there, stand up, and stay up!

Finding The Balance

Glad to be back and sharing some some words while I continue to move forward on this path I am on.  I find myself thinking today about the needed balance for us to be well, while we find ourselves immersed in to the needs of our personal and professional worlds.  This is the kind of balance that helps us stay on track, allowing for positive choices and outcomes.  As straightforward as it sounds it is often a very challenging task to accomplish, and more importantly maintain.  Sometimes, it is not until we are at that heightened level, one filled with a high level of stress and challenge that we find ourselves saying "whoa slow down, step back and reevaluate."   I found myself right there over the last couple of days...

I have been busy working on my business, lately the focus has been on our marketing and advertising campaign, which has had me immersed into the social media world, and what a world it is.  This task not only takes time but a real focus because once you put it out there, it is out for all to see, and for myself I want to make sure that our message is understood while representing our goals and objectives. So, as I found my mind consumed with this, I was also dealing with a personal matter with a friend who is not well.  This is a friend who I care about deeply, one that I want to support and see get to a better place for himself.  However, this friend has been on a destructive path for quite some time now, not being able to take action to change some ways and get the help he needs so that he can change for the better. I had to make a choice by setting some boundaries and distancing myself because his interaction was effecting me in a unhealthy way.  This was a hard thing to do as I want to be available and present for him, but it is at that point where I must back away, only hoping that he can take control of himself and current situation.  The only way that I could reclaim my balance was by setting a boundary, and as difficult as that was for me to do it was the healthiest and right decision.

So, there is a good example of balancing the personal and professional worlds.  It has been a challenge for me over the last few, the personal challenge of dealing with a friend in need was on my mind, and I was seeing how it was effecting my action and focus with my work.  I was not operating at my best because my mind was not where it should of been and my balance was off.  I was able to identify this, recognizing why I was experiencing this discomfort and challenge, knowing that I needed to reclaim my balance.  Without my balance, where I could take action to be well and present, I was destined to fall backwards, a place that we are all susceptible of going to when we are taxed.  I hope my example can help those who can hear me?  We all have to balance much in our day in and day out existence, and as always its a learning process, one where we must recognize the signs, take action, and embrace that we are doing the right thing, even when it comes with challenge. We are a resilient being, at times more than we care to believe.  May this find you all well and may the days ahead allow you to breathe and exhale, while finding your own balance when needed!

Can You Hear Me?

Working hard on my business plan and development of Can You Hear Me?  I am learning how to balance the mindset of being a social worker (one who strives to help others change for the better) and being a businessman (one who must develop, market, and sustain a successful business model). There have been challenges that I have created for myself along the way, and challenges that have created themselves.  Both have been opportunities to learn and understand what I will need to embrace as I move forward with my business.  I am practicing what I know to be true, and what I have shared with those that can hear me.  I recently designed a company logo that I will now be able to use for my future website (coming soon), advertising opportunities, presentations, etc., as well as taking one more step into the social media world that I was advised would be beneficial towards my marketing efforts and business exposure. You can find Can You Hear Me? now on Twitter @DJcanyouhearme

As always, be kind to yourself while you allow for the learning that comes with our everyday practice.  You love it and live it.  May this find you all well!

Effort Is

PATIENCE

   RESILIENCE

      OPPORTUNITY

 GUIDANCE

         RELATIONSHIPS

      EMPOWERED 

SELFLESS

  STRENGTH

Is It Worth It?

Alright here we are 2012, fresh and new.  Did you know that there is an extra day this year (366 of them)?  Yup it is the year of the leap and we are gifted with more time!  I write today with my mind and heart in a place that I visit from time to time.  That place that asks us Is it worth it? (am I motivated).  And if so Can I do it? (am I able).  I am sure that many of us have asked ourselves this, and as a result of have embraced the learning and challenge that comes with.  For myself the questioning alone presents a roadblock that quite honestly I have created.  It tells me that I am fighting the process, and by doing so I am hindering my ability, not my capability (remember that lesson?). This is easy to recognize if you have been there before (through experience and wisdom), it can take form as fear, self-doubt, and many other factors and insecurities that manifest themselves during the process. I am here to tell you that once you recognize and identify this happening, your opportunity to change the behavior will increase.  It's the difference between outcome and behavior. Most try to change the outcome by various methods, but often do not focus on the behavior(s), the one's that we can create when we go through that tug of war due to our wanting.

You with me?  Many professionals, writers, change agents, spiritual guides, etc. say that this internal struggle that comes from us "wanting" is an attachment that creates the suffering, and as a result of this the uncertainty of our wants really take over.  The want (and subsequent outcome) is what we struggle with and in turn we create for ourselves unnecessary challenges and obstacles.  Now its not that we should not have the wonderful things in life, no matter how you identify what that is, we can.  What I am saying is that you just have to do a little surrendering and let things take there course as they may.  As someone once told me, "you must be vulnerable in order for the true experience to present itself." Life is as much a blank canvas as it is a complex road map, and it is our opportunity to find the right way, the one that will allow us the ability and opportunity to do the right thing. 2012 is going to be whatever you make it to be.  It will always be filled with opportunities to grow and move forward, amongst the challenges and roadblocks that you must embrace along the way. Remember what it is you are asking of yourself, recognizing that no choice is also a choice!  When you take this approach the path will open up, you will move much closer to answering the questions, Is it worth it? (am I motivated) Can I do it? (am I able).  As always keep your head up while knowing that tomorrow is a blank page, an opportunity to keep adding to that work in progress!

 

Just Added

I just added Shelfari to the site (located to the right under The History).  For those not familiar with Shelfari (by amazon.com) http://www.shelfari.com/canyouhearme?WidgetId=201379/ it introduces readers to a global community of book lovers and encourages them to share their literary preferences and passions with peers, friends, and total strangers.  Many of the books that I have discussed in my posts, ones that I have gained much knowledge and insight from are now listed for you to view and possibly learn from.  If you double click where it says Shelfari it will pull up my entire book list and expose you to what the site has to offer. I will be updating this list as I continue to embrace the many opportunities to learn through the eyes of others, all of which will continue to help me help myself, while I strive to help others change for the better!

Always Learning

Isn't that we all strive for?  To learn so we can become all we deserve to be.  I am constantly learning, and like much of this process it comes when we find ourselves challenged, not defeated, but determined.  So, yesterday I had a meeting with a business consultant who is going to help and support me in my new business opportunity.  I came across this service after attending a career seminar at my Alma mater designed to help and leverage one' skills as they enter in to their own start up business.  One of the panel members at this seminar was the director of a local small business and development nonprofit geared towards providing services for those like myself. As I was exposed to the services offered and how they could assist me, I moved forward with it.  I know I can't do this alone and thus I welcome needed guidance and support as I see beneficial to what I am trying to accomplish.  With that being said, after my meeting last night something stuck with me that the gentleman (my consultant) helping me said.  It went like this "you have to always be thinking about money and how much you can make if you are going to be successful in business."  

Yeah, that's what I heard, in fact I had to explain to him that this statement was the complete opposite of the mindset I bring into the field of helping others change for the better.  You see as a social worker I don't do what I do with the idea of thinking about or making large amounts of money.  I do need to be compensated fairly for my time, expertise, and service, but the money is not the most important or constant on my mind and in my heart. A part of my identity as a helping professional was attacked and it made me feel uncomfortable.  However, I had to be objective in this matter as the person sharing this idea with me comes from a totally different school of thought, training, approach, etc.  Therefore, his ideology as it pertains to business may in fact be driven by dollars and cents and I need to understand such.  One thing I have come to understand in this process is their is much to be learned.  I am constantly being educated about a world (business) that I quite honestly didn't imagine seeing myself a part of.  I have a service and passion that I want to share and provide to others.  I couldn't find it or I didn't see it in the field I was a part of, and therefore I was motivated to go out on my own and do what I truly believe I can.  What I now know is that whether I like it or not I have to learn about the business side (to some extent) in order to achieve and sustain.  Another lesson learned, challenged but not defeated, determined.

Always learning...  I had to sort through this conflict I was facing as a result of being immersed into a culture and ideology that were as opposite to me as hot and cold. A culture that is often about $ and all that brings into this world of ours.  I have to check myself and not lose sight of my goals, realizing that I can choose to utilize certain parts of this business world, while still maintaining my own ideology as it pertains to providing service.  I am not going to be greedy in this venture, that is not and will not be happening.  So, I ask myself and anyone out there who has to follow a path that does not always look like a good one, is it worth the risk?  I want to wish all a very healthy and safe holiday season.  Take time to breathe amongst the visiting and giving,  and as always take special note to the quality of life that is of value.  The one that always has your back no matter where you may be, respect it and it will give you what you need!

3 Breaths And A Pause

What you say?  I hope you are well as we move into this time of the year, a period where giving hopefully comes from that place that is true, honest, and from the heart.  I am writing today with intention and clarity, my path is open and I find myself moving forward after being stuck for a few.  This is the beauty of being stuck, there is always the other side waiting, and as along as you continue to trust the process there is no reason you can not get there.

I just finished reading A Game Plan for Life- The Power of Mentoring by John Wooden, many lessons to be learned and shared.  His words reminded me very much so of one of my favorite mentors, my late grandfather.  There are several similarities in how they both approached life, treated others, and always modeled the right way without thinking.  The recipe is not too complex, in fact that is something that is continually reinforced in the book, don't try and make it to difficult, keep it simple and to the point and you will learn.  The greatest mentors are great teachers as well, they lead by example and always make themselves available to whomever crosses their path.  The learning that can be gained in life by our ability to mentor someone, as well as be mentored ourselves is truly one of life's greatest opportunities.  I know it is something that I highly value and much of the learning that I gravitate towards enhances this opportunity for myself.  For example, I have gained so much from reading many books about others life stories, their ability to overcome challenges, wisdom gained from experience, and much more. The learning and growth as a result has been so rewarding and insightful for me that in times of uncertainty and challenge I know I have the lessons and guidance to fall back on.  Mentoring is something that will be a strong influence in my writings, it is something that I will always practice in my professional role, and carry into my personal world as well.  Helping others help themselves is the gift that keeps on giving, and it is available for all, whether we see it or not, it is out there.

I had to remind myself of this over the last couple of weeks.  I believe this also influenced why I sought out John Wooden's book.  I needed to reinforce the many lessons I have gained along the way, while embracing some new and valuable ones learned through the eyes of one of the best.  A work in progress is what I am, and I will continually embrace the learning that awaits.  As much as we have the answers to many of our roadblocks in life, we can't do it on our own.  So, recognize where to turn, who to trust, and keep moving forward because nothing will work unless you do. Until we meet again, keep your head up, embrace where you are at, and love life so you can live it!

Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

John Wooden

It Is What It Is

It Is What It Is.  Ever heard that one before?  If so how would you interpret this statement?  Would it be a negative or positive statement?  The way I see it, often those words define the acceptance we have attached to a situation that may not change the way we expect it to.  Whether the situation is viewed as a negative or positive, one that caused one towards this action, the meaning is not always the same, but the outcome can be.  Confused or are you following me?  I am going somewhere with this one just grab my hand and I will explain.  The outcome is the fact that the situation has been accepted for what it is, whether you agree with it or not, it is what it is. I am speaking to this today because often we find ourselves trying to figure out something that just can't be.  This can be very frustrating for those who need an answer for every question asked, easier for those who embrace yet another learning opportunity. I know for myself I can accept much.  I strive to be objective in life, and see challenging moments as an opportunity to learn and understand (not only of myself) but of those I cross paths with. This mindset does make it easier to accept those moments that only cause an increase in one's pain and suffering, if you allow such.

As mentioned (in the last few posts) I have encountered a period of challenge and uncertainty.  The feelings associated with this came out of nowhere, I didn't expect it and I surely did not welcome it.   It has been frustrating to say the least because I have been working extremely hard for quite some time to be well, and have gained tremendous benefits as a result, and then...  It's been frustrating because I have been doing all the right things one needs to implement in order to move forward in a healthy way.  I know this is the way it goes and life does not always afford us what we expect or desire.  So, what do you do?  Where do you go from here?  It's very easy to fall back and accept defeat, or resort to unhealthy and negative coping mechanisms isn't it?  YES it is but I am not going to do that!  We can not expect the outcomes one needs to live a healthy existence if you succumb to a way that has only produced more negative than positive.  We must stay patient while trusting the process, this is the way has to be.  Why?  Because it is what it is and I accept that, can you?  I will get there and so will you.  Stay with me on this one, no matter how low you may feel it will get better, and it just may happen when you least expect it!  Until we meet again may this find you well.

A Work In Progress

This is a work in progress, a process of uncovering our natural openness, uncovering out natural intelligence and warmth.  I have discovered, just as my teachers always told me, that we already have what we need.  The wisdom, the strength, the confidence, the awakened heart and mind are always accessible, here, now, always.  We are just uncovering them.  We are rediscovering them.  We're not inventing them or importing them from somewhere else.  They're here.  That's why when we feel caught in darkness, suddenly the clouds can part.  Out of nowhere we cheer up or relax or experience the vastness of our minds.  No one else gives this to you.  People will support you and help you with teachings and practices, as they have supported and helped me, but you yourself experience your unlimited potential. 

 Pema Chodron

Taking The Leap

I am a work in progress, how about you?  When you embrace this intention, the opportunity to grow and move  forward is endless.  Life is the ultimate learning opportunity and challenges are gifts, always opportunities to learn.  May the beginning of this week start you on the right path, one that will move you forward!

When You Know You Just...

Hey...  For sometime now I have used writing as an opportunity to express and share with others, this is true.  However, I have also used this opportunity to help myself breathe easier along the way.   Writing is a wonderful tool to unlock and release what often just can't get out through the spoken word.  For the last several days I have found myself in a low state, something I know quite well.  I have my thoughts as to what is producing this state, and its not something that I am running from.  I am doing what is expected (exercise, counsel, reading, and writing ) and yet I can't seem to shake myself out of it.  So, what am to do?  Keep doing what I know is healthy for me?  Shutting down and reverting back to that way that is not healthy for me?  You see I can keep asking myself over and over what to do?  Maybe that's just it, stop asking!  It is very easy to get caught up in the process of trying to figure something out, when quite honestly you may not be able to...

I have written much about how I have been able to get through challenges and moments of uncertainty, and by doing so it has helped me in so many positive ways.  In turn I have used all these lessons and opportunities as a vehicle to help those who can hear me?  I'm not running from this state that I am in, I'm still fighting and doing all I can to stay present in the moment.  So, with that being said stay with me on this one and when you find yourself experiencing those moments that make you feel empty and void, remind yourself that this too shall pass.  When it does I am confident to say that another door will present itself and once again allow us to see that life is alright, its all good.  Thanks as always for allowing me to breathe, it helps, sure does.  Until we meet again be well!

Two Different Worlds

Hey out there, it is the beginning of another week and you know what that means?  An opportunity to learn from yesterday so that you can live today.  With that being said this is what has influenced my writing for today.  This past weekend provided me joy amongst challenge, all the while supporting that bond and commitment of what we know as friendship.  I had the wonderful opportunity to support and celebrate a dear friend this past weekend.  Someone who I admire and appreciate.  Someone who has been a positive addition to my circle over the last several years.  The escape and time away with this friend was a great thing, one that allowed the mind to slow down, the breath was easy, it was nice until...  As I was immersed into this world I received a call from another friend, it was not good news.

Isn't that the way it works sometimes, when you are up and feeling well, challenge can easily produce itself.  My other friend was minding his way outside of his home, early in the morning taking in the moment when he was approached.  It has happened many times in many at-risk environments that are susceptible to a pain and suffering that takes not gives, ultimately creating more suffering.  It was that quick for my friend, someone who I also hold close to my heart, someone who has supported me in times of need, someone who I try my best to be available and present for.  As I tried to sort out what had just transpired, I was caught with an opportunity.  I say opportunity because challenges are gifts, opportunities to learn.  You see, I was in one world celebrating a dear friend who I care for deeply, and then I get a call from another friend (who I care for deeply) living in a different world on the other side of the spectrum, in need.  It was a crazy instance, one that I had not experienced before.  I felt a variety of emotions all the while trying to keep cool, and not ruin or cause the moment to negatively change for the world that was celebrating. It was one of those moments where I had been informed something really troubling, at the same time I was in an environment that was in a positive and joyous state.  Two different worlds!

There was much to process and learn over the last few days...  I can say that no matter the specifics of what went down, the moment allowed me to move forward.  My availability to both parties did not once take me to a place of despair, if anything my strength and well being were front and center.  This is very meaningful for me and anyone out there who can relate.  These are the moments where you embrace that you can and are able to survive, while being available for those you hold close to your heart.  Life does not always give stability and predictability, and when the complete opposite transpires this is when you must be strong and stable.  I feel inspired by the ability to recognize and embrace this lesson.  This is the way it must be, no questions asked whatever you need.  I take pride that I was able to practice just this.  No matter how different these two worlds and friendships may appear, they are similar in many ways and I will do my best to be there for each one in times of celebration and challenge.  This is how it will go down if you have not recognized, life is made up by much, and the influences are many, and we can't often choose when those different worlds will collide.  Be strong out there, stand up and stay up!!!

Taking Notice

December here we are... As often it is hard to believe that we are ending another year, time goes no matter where we may be, it moves.  I have taken notice of this over the last several years.  I do what I can to make sure that my time is spent with purpose and action.  It may not always work out the way it was suppose to, but hey that's when some of the greatest learning opportunities come our way.  I recently was turned on to an author who I had not read in the past.  In fact he writes fiction works which is not a genre that I have spent much time with.  I am a nonfiction guy, memoirs, autobiographies, sociological studies, and the such.  I love to learn through the eyes of others through challenge, sacrifice, and ultimately the lessons learned when one overcomes.  You know how the saying  goes "if you don't like to read its because you haven't found the right books to read."  That would be very true in my experience.  I didn't find the right books well into my adulthood when I was immersed into my undergraduate studies in Sociology. Of course I read prior to this time but not to the point of digesting, understanding, and the true learning that comes through the written word and experience.

Let me get back to the author I mentioned above.  His name is Andy Andrews, some may know of him as he has many books out there.  I finished reading The Noticer over the Thanksgiving holiday and am now half way through another of his books The Traveler's Gift.  I recommend both of these books to anyone who sees themselves as a work in progress, embracing the lessons yet be learned, and the necessary reminder when we are just caught up and have lost sight of what is important in life.  They are both easy reads (think Mitch Albom' style and length of pages) but more importantly they will affect/effect you, short term or long term you will gain something. That is one of the wonderful gifts that reading can afford, and there is an abundance of it out there, whatever your choice may be.  I am much more prepared in life and understanding from the works that I have read.  I am thankful that I found the right books to read (for me),what I have learned as result gives me strength and hope, something I value.  I am averaging a book a month and since mid 2009 I have read 30 books, something I am proud of.

I have an update from my November 16 posting regarding my mentee.  Last night I met my mentee for the first time, and so our relationship has begun.  It was a great start and we were both able to get to know one another in a very informative and enlightening way.  I am confident to say that she will be a positive addition to the field of Social Work.  I could see it in her eyes, the passion in her words, and her availability to be supported and guided.  On that note it is time for me to leave, off to the Desert to celebrate a birthday for a dear friend (my brother from another mother). It should be a great weekend and I only wish the same for those that can hear me, no matter where you are or where you want to go, it's all good, embrace it!

About Author
 








Daniel Jacob, MSW  Email

Founder of Can You Hear Me?  External Field Instructor at University of Southern California School of Social Work MSW@USC.  Daniel has a Masters in Social Work (Families and Children Practice/School Social Work).  He is currently nearing the completion of the LCSW testing process.  More about the man behind the mission ⇢

Sharing The Love...

I hope that we are all well after the holiday that just passed.  I know it can be hard to kick start the engine after going back in time and experience(s) with family and friends.  After disconnecting from the rigors and responsibilities of life and the endeavors that require our attention and focus, it can be a challenge to regroup and move forward.  However, it is necessary to move forward and I only hope that you can and are.  For myself  I had an experience this past week that I can honestly say was a first and I want to share it because I believe there is something to be learned from and heard.  Thanksgiving this year was spent in Ohio with my wife's father, his wife, and my wife's grandmother.  Did I mention that my wife had not seen her father since she was eight years old.  Therefore, you could say that this was not the normal holiday trip.  The communication between my wife and her father begun nearly two years prior, and through the written word, photos sent, and mail received the reconciliation and reunion began to unfold.  Like many the separation and distance was initiated by a divorce, custody and abandonment, years apart, and a void that only grows in time. 

As a husband I always want the best for my wife.  I strive to make sure that she is safe and protected, supported and loved, and respected and heard no matter what comes my way.   I was on board from day one when the trip (and what it meant) was discussed, eventually becoming a reality.  I knew in my heart that the reunion and reconciliation would give all parties a wonderful beginning and ability to move forward, while releasing what pain and suffering had remained many years later.  I knew that forgiveness was present and there was no blame to be had.  I knew from my own experience that when you reconcile and forgive, you begin to live in a manner that gives you strength in your heart, while allowing you to breathe that much easier.  The time that was spent in Ohio could not of been determined, and what transpired was truly wonderful and all that a husband could be witness to and supportive for.  There was laughter, tears, stories told, gaps filled in, and quality time spent.   There was no itinerary other than spending time with one another.  I have had many thanksgiving holidays as we all have...  This one was special for many reasons.  I will always hold a special place in my heart for what I was able to witness and be a part of.  I am thankful for much, and what transpired over the past week truly gave me a jolt of thanks that I know will and has led to an opening for all those involved.

So, as I was able to share the love with the woman I love, and the family I had yet to meet, let me say to all of those that can hear me...  Life is here, there is no dress rehearsal, the voids are not going anywhere, and what you do with them is up to you.  All I can share with you is that what I was witness to this past week was wonderful, it will stay with me for a lifetime, and I know it has only effected my world in a positive manner.  That's all I could ask for, and all that I would want you to experience.  Be strong out there, don't think too much, just follow your heart and you will see the path that has been waiting for you!

A Little Lift!

I know how Mondays can be so I just wanted to send out a little lift for all that are hearing me.  It's the beginning of a wonderful week, one in which we will come together with family and friends.  One in which we will give and share.  One in which we should all take some time and reflect on the gifts that life does and can afford.  Until our minds connect again you be well to your day, and your day shall be well to you!

Can You See It?

The great thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

Indeed this is where I am at.  Can I just say that I have had a truly rewarding week, one that has provided me with a renewed excitement and direction to what is to come.  I immersed myself into several opportunities to learn, network, and move forward with purpose, direction, and ambition.  I know you can relate.  That feeling that you are living in a positive moment, one that has only good intentions.  My moment included meeting several individuals that truly wanted to help and support my current opportunity.  It was so refreshing to be able to connect with this group, knowing that they were giving me guidance, wisdom, and support from no other place then their choice and willingness to help.  I am not one to be pessimistic or skeptical, but I have seen the difference between someone who helps for their own benefit, versus someone who does it from their heart because they want to help others succeed.  I appreciate this and practice this approach as well.  There are many gifts that life affords, but giving to others is one of the best.  Because when you give, you receive right back in many wonderful ways.  This is what I felt this week in the opportunities that I was exposed to.  I know that this in itself helped lift me up and move me towards a good place in person and profession...

Where ever your direction is at, in life or career.  If you are stuck, conflicted, or uncertain there really are so many opportunities to receive the support and the guidance one needs to change for the better.  I have said before, when you are present and available to see it, you can not miss it.  So, follow my lead and look at the path you are on, is it a good one? Or is there a need for change?  Whatever the answer is for you, when you do the work, the world you are living in will change for the better.  This is what is possible and through the relationships you develop, opportunities you participate in, and action you take you will see progress.  It's right there, go get it, and I guarantee that when you arrive you will feel these words in a way that will need no explanation.  The quality of life that I dreamed of for so long is happening, and no matter what the interpretation of is, or expectation for is, I am in it with one direction FORWARD!

So, as we approach that time in the year that asks us to reflect on what we are thankful for, ask yourself what that truly is? Allow that to inspire you to make your goals and dreams come into your world.  After all, most are thankful for the same things: family, health, love, opportunity, etc.  All of which we need to help and support us along the way.  We can not do it alone and that is the truth.  You may not see it (like myself at one point in time) and you may be thinking you are on your own.  Oh no, so far from the truth and once you can embrace this you will see.  I'm here for you when and if, and I look forward to be witness in your joy when you get there!  As always, be strong out there, stand up and stay up!

Let One Guide

Today is a good day!  It began with the support and nurturing one needs to enhance our physical and mental well being.  This is the recipe for a healthy way.  However, one must be disciplined and determined to make it happen.  When this is accomplished the path will present itself in a truly wonderful way.  This is exactly where I needed to be today as I look forward to an opportunity that awaits me this evening.  I signed up to be a mentor for an up and coming social worker and could not be in a better place as our relationship will begin.  The mentee is in the final phase of their MSW program, looking towards the transition from the classroom to the professional world.   I look forward to being available to listen, support, and guide my mentee in a manner that is positive and helpful.  I truly appreciate and embrace the process of being a mentor.  Whether it is with my little brother (think BBBS) or in the capacity of the experience I will be a part of this evening, the rewards of this relationship are plentiful for all parties involved.

I am humbled and honored that I have the desire to, and the heart for this endeavor.  Not all can be in the position of guiding others.  It truly is a specialty that some struggle with.  My take is that the best mentors are those that are willing to learn from the process as much as they are able to give.  Furthermore, you have to live a little in the classroom of life before you can be ready.   I have seen some fail, particularly those that try to hard, want to be friends first, are not in a healthy place, and all and everything that can negatively influence and impact this relationship.  All of the mentors that have influenced my life in so many wonderful ways have embodied the qualities and strengths that exposed me to the right way.  My mentors were able to model more than words alone.   This is an important point because often you will see the overload of words and action in a mentoring relationship that honestly can contaminate the process of.  If you are not following me, think of any relationship you have had where you don't feel heard, or when you speak you are interrupted, or that connection of support and understanding is just missing.  This happens in many relationships in and out of  being a mentor.  So, I can not lose sight of the lessons given, modeled, and taught as they will further support me in my ability to give and receive.

I look forward to the process of returning back to my time and place as a last year MSW student.  So much has transpired since those days, in and out of my professional title.  Challenges and struggles amongst positive opportunities and accomplishments.  I look forward to learning more about myself while I learn through the eyes of my mentee.  This relationship is reciprocal and if you don't understand that then you would be missing a vital outcome of being a mentor.  I will keep you informed as I move into this new relationship.  Until we meet again stay present and available out there.  When you do, you will see that the quality of your world can change for the better!

*To my disappointment when I arrived at the event this evening my name was not on the list.  So, what that meant was that my information was not received and/or it was lost.  Therefore, I did not get to meet my mentee.  Another lesson to be learned and as always adversity has many.  I resubmitted my application and will be matched shortly, perhaps a blessing in disguise!

 The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.

Bertrand Russell