Checking In

Here we are on this Friday, my words and your availability to embrace them.  As is common in the field of helping others (empowering and supporting), we need to check in.  The week thus far has treated me well as I have embraced all of the opportunities that have come my way.  As we have discussed in many of the posts  that have been shared, these opportunities are presented on an often basis if you are present and available to receive them.  For example, many may see opportunity present itself when things are going well, when there is a positive outcome waiting, often based on materialistic gain.  This indeed is one way to look at "opportunity."  However, in the context of what I am sharing with all of you, opportunity is the outcome of an experience that can challenge you, that points you toward reflection and contemplation, and ultimately awareness.  These opportunities are the ones that we all can truly learn from, and guess what?  They are ready and waiting for you!  However, most walk right by them or allow themselves to become immersed in to negative emotion that puts on the blinders.  Life has so many wonderful lessons to share, and if you walk through it without being present for them, well some would say you just ain't living!  What I would say is that you can get to this place.  This life is waiting for any and all, and it only takes a commitment from you.  One that only becomes difficult if you allow yourself to create the barriers and obstacles that will prevent you from reaching your destination...

So where do you begin?  Quite simple, you begin by taking an active role in life, one in which you are physically, emotionally, and mentally intact.  When you are well this is when these opportunities are conduits to growth and awareness.  When you are not well the opportunities that often await are pain and suffering.  How do I know this?  Well, I know this on two fronts. The first is I am a social worker who has had enough time and experience in the field to see this opportunity play itself out.  The second and perhaps the most significant in the scope of my insight and understanding is that I have lived through it, I understand what kind of impact that pain and suffering can present.  By overcoming the latter, without running away from future challenge (that will and has come) my growth and awareness have showed me the way.  So, some would say that by living through it and being formally trained to understand it I am able to help others help themselves.  I agree but I will add that I continue to work, continue to educate myself, and as always work towards progress.  With that being said I choose to share with others in a manner that helps them move forward with their heads up and hearts open, it is that simple.  On that note I am done checking in, now it's time for you to check in with yourself.  Life is wonderful and if you don't see this, then it's time to start the process, time to go to work.  Be well out there, stand up and stay up!

"When you know better you do better."
~Maya Angelou
 

Life Is Alright!

Good Day!  Yes that is what I am saying, today is yours to create.  It's been a few since I have written, I didn't want to over think the process so I chose to keep moving, with the idea that when I had something to say I would know.  I have been given a great opportunity here, one that I take seriously, with one goal in mind; Helping Others Change for the Better!  Therefore, my writing must have meaning, a message that others can embrace and relate to so that they can see that opening for themselves.  Today, like many of you I am beginning another week, one that will provide me with certain outcomes that I can predict, and others that I may just not see coming.  Either way I'm right here, present and available to meet any and all opportunities that come my way.  I say opportunities because no matter what the situation may hold, there is learning to be gained, and  if I am available and present to receive it, I know I will move forward with purpose and intention.

Just the other day I had the opportunity to connect with some old friends that I have known for more than three decades now. When you go back that far with others there is likely going to be some experiences that will have shaped and influenced you in a manner that is both challenging and empowering.  When I reflect on all that has transpired since those days when we first connected, I am inspired.   I am inspired because what I didn't know then, I surely have figured it out now, and by doing so I am living.  You see when you go through life and you have met some challenging moments, you have certain outcomes that await.  Outcomes that will provide you with some pain and suffering, but hopefully will also lead you to discovery that is truly life transforming.  In my case that is what has happened.  It happened because I refused to give up.  I refused to stop fighting for the quality of life that I knew was possible, and most importantly the one that I knew I deserved to have.  I challenge all those that can hear me to keep fighting, keep moving, and keep trusting the process.  The life you are living is wonderful.  If you choose to see it otherwise, than all that you are gaining here is an inability to move forward.  As you move into the days ahead, focus on what you have, focus on what you can control, and what you can not, either take action to move through it, or accept the outcomes that will do nothing other than create more pain and suffering.  It's that matter of fact, and when we choose to complicate the matter the only one that suffers here is...

Be well out there, I am available and present to help you help yourself.  When you get there you will know.  Until we meet again may you continue to walk with your head up and heart open!

Progress

I may not be there yet, but I am closer than
I was yesterday. - Unknown 

How's Your Bucket?

Here I am ready to breathe while I share with all of you.  My post on this wonderful day was inspired by a conversation I had recently with one of my most respected (and appreciated) advisers.  As we often do we discuss life, and the experiences and opportunities that we have learned so much from, and will continue to.  The conversation was flowing and at one point the focus shifted to relationships.  You know those, the ones that are personal, family oriented, work involved, and the many other situations that expose us to that dynamic of giving and receiving.  We talked about the differences in these relationships.  We discussed what we gained from our involvement and investment of.  We processed what it took to be available and present for, and then...  Our conversation opened that door to those relationships that we just have to step away from.  The ones' that are not healthy for us and take from our bucket in a manner that creates more suffering and stress then one should ever have.  You see, we all have these type of relationships and some point in time.  With that being said we have a choice.  One that allows us to make that decision, do I stay in this relationship?  Or do I respectfully remove myself from, step back from, limit myself from...  My take on relationships for quite some time looks like this.  In order for a relationship to be successful it must operate like a two way street.  On a two way street you have two moving parts coming and going, passing and interacting, stopping and yielding when necessary.  On a one way street you have the complete opposite, there is only one part and it is doing all the work.

In order for any relationship to have a chance it has to give to your bucket.  It has to be a mutual process, one that enhances the quality of your life, not one that continues to drain and consume you.  When you are able to embrace just that it does present you with some difficult decisions to make.  Removing or limiting yourself from a relationship that has been a part of your existence for some time is not an easy process.  However, you must check in with yourself and acknowledge what you already truly know in your heart, it is time to back away, my bucket is emptying at a rapid pace and that is just not acceptable.  Life affords us with may challenges this we know, but within the process of moving through and with these challenges there is an opportunity.  One that will help you grow and evolve.  One that will teach and guide you.  One that will allow you to "Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable." ~ Denis Waitley

There are many wonderful things about the life that we can have.  One of the best is that we are afforded the ability and opportunity to make a choice. With that choice comes change, and with that change comes an opportunity to move forward, while living a quality of life that we deserve.  Don't allow your inability to stand up for what is right dictate the quality of life that is waiting for you.  It is about you, and if you trust the process and go about it in a manner that is all about doing the right thing, then you will find what you need.  There is no written rule that we have to remain in a relationship that is not healthy, no there is not.  So, the next time you see your bucket cracking, eventually leading to a hole, ask yourself  "What Can I Do About This?"  May this find all those that can hear me well.  Keep breathing and exhaling while you strive to live a quality of life that will keep you well.  If you do this you will see it so clearly, and the individuals and groups you are working so hard to provide services for will to!

Adjust & Adapt

That's what we do...  Happy to be back writing and sharing with all those that can hear me.  I found my schedule and weekly activity change recently, and as we must do, I adjusted and adapted accordingly.  Immersed into the culture and activity of the summer months, it is easy to stray from that path that has your back, the one that you know will support and sustain your well-being.  As a social worker, one who strives to learn from yesterday, so that today will be more manageable I learn to adjust and adapt.  You see, in the field of helping others change for the better your expectation is just that, yours.  The meaning behind this is that the experiences and opportunities that you are immersed into are often uncertain, unpredictable, and most of the time never what one expects.  Therefore, you learn to adjust and adapt, allowing for one to stay available and present in the process.

As I found my routine and schedule changing I allowed myself to embrace the moment.  I allowed myself to once again accept the uncertain, understanding that whatever comes my way I will get through it.  Often, it so easy to get caught up in that "control" process, the one where we want our environment and role within it to stay the same, predictable, safe and secure.  Well, we know this is not always a reality, and as I mentioned to someone I was advising today "challenges provide us with amazing opportunities to learn and grow."  So, for all those that can hear me that may be experiencing an adjustment period in their routine, schedule, and day to day mode of operation...  Stay present with where your at, with the understanding that everything will get done, and minimize the worry, anxiety, and stress that can come with the uncertain.  You are the creator of your own destiny, and with that comes the ultimate opportunity.

Remember to make time for yourself while you enjoy the moments spent with your Ohana (family & friends).  We don't get any do overs, as I have mentioned before, life is not a dress rehearsal.  Live it and love it, while you work towards that progress, always moving forward.  Until we meet again you be well while you continue to walk with your head up and heart open. 

Can You See It?

Here we are again, as the keys synch with my thoughts and reflection, my heart breathes easier.  Today's piece is inspired by two separate but similar observations I had earlier.  I'll begin by setting up the stage, so take your seat, tune out the noise and come along with me.  As I sat waiting for an appointment this morning, reading away as I often do I was interrupted by a woman who came busting through the hallway clearly upset from the appointment she had just left.  As I lifted my head to observe, never being so obvious as to cause discomfort or concern, I locked in.  You see, as a social worker with a history working with at-risk populations in at-risk systems and settings you become quite good at observing without others realizing that you are.  In fact, I would say that I really began to acquire this skill during my time in law enforcement (which preceded my social work career) where it is ever so vital to have eyes in the back of your head, while developing that internal "gut" feeling when something is about to go down.  Well, this morning' situation was not that serious, but none the less someone was in pain.  You see this woman clearly was upset at whoever and whatever triggered her anger. How do I know this? If the yelling and belligerent tone didn't give me clue, than perhaps the repetitive punching of the wall as she waited for the elevator to come let me clearly know that she was not well.  It was not hard for me to zero in to her suffering and pain, thinking to myself  "if you are unable to help yourself, then you will not be able to see the help that is available."

As I moved through the day going about my responsibilities and duties I came across another situation that once again showed me another' suffering in it's truest and most available form.  As I was heading through a parking lot to my car I was struck with a very loud conversation between a woman and man.  Actually, I wouldn't call it a conversation as the woman was shouting for all to hear, and the man was taking on the barrage of words and insults with not much of an opportunity to speak.  As this interaction moved closer to me it was apparent that I didn't exist, and what I was observing was not my concern.  However, once again I was witness to someone in pain, their suffering on full display to anyone they came in contact with.  I thought to myself "if you are not well, there is no way that you are available and present to receive."  You see, the whole time this woman was going off, the man (when he could) was trying to help, support, and be.  Now, of course I didn't have the entire story, but the behavior is something that I do know, and what exacerbates this state is something I really know.  It is fair to say that as a social worker you become much more aware of dysfunction and despair, but hopefully in a manner where you understand the balance and boundaries one needs to have as they separate the professional from the personal.  For someone like myself the balance is there, but my ability to observe, recognize, assess, and understand is so present that when I am exposed to any of it my world slows down...

I use these two examples to help all those that can hear me the opportunity to embrace that message of wellness and self-care, in and outside of the services you provide to others.  I use these examples to allow others to see the parallel between those who need help and those who are there to help. When you are not well, your world is often met with more closed doors than open ones.  Your anger, frustration, and helpless feelings as a result will only magnify and multiply if your state does not change for the better.  An example is only a portrayal, but a story that we can relate to often is the truth that we can not deny.  You may not be at the same level of risk as the two women I came in contact with today, but I am hoping you can connect the dots and see that when you are suffering and in pain the result is more similar than not.  I will leave you with that.  As you continue to move forward and toward as always keep walking with you head up and heart open!

When You Learn Teach

I met up with some students of mine today.  Another great opportunity to guide, support, and teach.  The process is honestly one that I never imagined myself doing some 20 years prior.  You see, back then I was immersed into a different journey and opportunity.  Back then I was surviving, trying to somehow just get through the day, not knowing much about what I do now.  That is the beauty of it all, I can reflect (and I often do) and tap in to so many experiences and opportunities that I was fortunate to have.  Opportunities that have shaped me, strengthened me, and moved me forward and toward this point in my life.  Therefore, when I teach (from a didactic style) I have so much that I can go to (experience gained and wisdom earned) that helps me share and provide some very effective teachable moments.  I have come to embrace those moments when your teaching has allowed your students to learn and grow.  Those moments when what you are instructing has resonated and struck your students in a manner that clearly says "I get it, I never thought about that."  These moments really reward  me, providing another opportunity to receive from the process.

I can't predict what the future will hold, where I will land, and what other opportunities await.  What I can confirm, something sister Maya exposed me to is "when you get give, when you learn teach."  May this find all those that can hear me well, and may you always hold on to the idea that anything is possible, you just never know where you will end up.  Keep your head up and heart open as you move in to the end of the week...

Start Where You Are At

"Not everything that is faced can be changed.  But nothing can be changed until it is faced."

~James Baldwin

Often when I write a new piece I go back over my previous entry.  This gives me an opportunity to self-reflect, see where I was at, while recognizing what I have moved into since.  This week was one that had me feeling off, you know those ones where you feel a little less motivated and engaged in the active process of life.  When I feel this way (and I do from time to time) I stay with it, I embrace what I am experiencing, with the idea that I will move through it, always learning from it.  You see, it's okay to not always be on top of the world, or not in that state that defines you as someone who has it all together.  Well, being all together can be up for interpretation, a subjective experience at most, but an opportunity...  I say opportunity because how you define your experience is often how you move through it, how you address what needs to be changed, adjusted, and dealt with.  For myself, I know that when I not in a good place or space, I acknowledge just that without over thinking or causing myself more undue stress or challenge.  I think it is fair to say that when we are not feeling all there, depressed and stressed, we are more susceptible to those negative influences that can produce the outcomes that we really don't want.  We can be really hard on ourselves, judgment comes in as if it is going to support you and be your best friend, well we know that is not the case.  If you can see where you are at during these moments of uncertainty (I say uncertain because often we are attempting to figure out something that has no plausible outcome) I can tell you that you are one step closer to working yourself out of it.  Please recognize this, as often when you become aware of your state and how you may not be supporting positive change or growth, you kinda of wake up.  You do, and the reason you can is directly related to a choice, your determination to want better, the belief that you can get there, and the final piece, the work you commit to in order to work yourself through it.

As I close this piece for today, an example that is as authentic as the one who is writing, I want all those that can hear me to embrace my words.  I want you to embrace the idea that the life you are living in is the ultimate learning opportunity.  If you miss out on the lessons that are there to take, you may struggle with much.  You can always point the finger, or attribute your challenges to someone or something else' doing.   However, at the end of the day you have a choice, and this decision often is based on how you interpret your ability or inability to get through and to the other side.  I know you hear me, and as I let you digest my lesson for the day, I encourage you to start where you are at, recognizing that you can and will get through it, you will.  You be well out there, stand up and stay up as you continue to walk with your head up and heart open!

It Never Stops!

Good day to all of those that can here me as we move through another week.  I hope the days have allowed you all to be productive and positive, while doing all you need to in order to be well.   Today, I wanted to share and reflect about something that we can all relate to, and if you can not, there is always time to add to your self awareness.  I have been immersed into a project for the last 4-5 months, one that has needed my intention, focus, patience, and effort.  It is something that I was invested in, something that will eventually lead to some professional goals and opportunities presenting themselves. To say there were not several moments that created some stress and anxiety (mostly from myself), I would be kidding both of us.  As I do, and as I often share with all of you I embraced these moments, utilizing my well-being skills, maintaining my self-care needs, and reaching out to my supports when it was necessary.  All of the things that can and do help us when we are immersed into that consumption.  I would allow myself the opportunity to reflect, process, and embrace where I was at.  Often,  I would recognize that I was making more out of something that I could not control, understanding that where my mind shifted to sometimes was an area that was not beneficial to my overall wellness.  So, I managed it and told myself that everything will be fine, everything will work itself out.  I am prepared, I am ready, I am well, and whatever outcome awaits I will accept it and move forward with it.

Well, the outcome that I had hoped for happened and I was very pleased.  I was also quite exhausted as this was something I was carrying with me for several months.  What I knew then and what  I want to express to you all is that now that this task is complete, it does not mean that there is not something else waiting for me that will provide a similar experience or challenge.  There always is, and no matter how challenging or consuming it can be, how you manage, cope, and move through it really matters.  It matters because it reinforces all that it took to get through the previous experience (or challenge) will be needed again, and again, and again.  You see, it never stops. You may tell yourself  "man, once I get through this everything will be so much easier."  Well, you can tell yourself this but is it ever really easy?  Being honest with what life affords, and the message I am trying to once again share is that when you are well, you still face challenge, uncertainty, and difficulty, but your ability to manage this state while your are immersed into it, and your ability to recover from it are what allows you to breathe and move forward.  I didn't stop taking care of myself during the process, and once the process was done I am still doing it.  For example, I am having a pretty busy week, but today I still found the time to hit the gym, work it out, run a 5K and then get back to work.  So, in closing recognize that the cycle never stops, when one door closes another opens, and the house you are living in will always need some repairs and fixing.  You have the tools and skills to fix it, and with this you provide yourself shelter and coverage, understanding that at the end of the day you know you are safe and protected.

You be well to yourself, and may the days ahead embrace you with the quality of life that you deserve to have.  Keep walking with your head up and heart open, and you will move closer to...

Maintain You!

Hear we are the end of the week, how has it been?  I was motivated to write today after reflecting and processing the week I had, the learning that came my way, and the giving and support I sent out.  Today, I write with intention and purpose, I write with awareness and a sense of self that is so intact that I see it all unfolding right in front of me.  Life as it is can always provide us with moments of uncertainty, challenge, and all that goes into holding us back from moving in the right direction.  However, when it comes down to it we have a choice, one that includes acceptance, understanding, and the ability to learn from it so that you can ultimately not allow it to control you in a manner that is unhealthy.  I was able to share this message and understanding with someone this week.  You see, I am fortunate to be in a position of a teacher, mentor, and a role model to someone who is in the early learning stages of this field we know.  The one that can produce so many challenges, the ones that can ask one "is this the right fit for me?"  No matter how much love you have in your heart, compassion in your actions, and awareness in your spirit you will be challenged.  This is exactly what is happening to my student, and the resistance and negative experiences she is being exposed to are not related to the people she is serving, but in fact the professionals she is being trained by.  Can you imagine?

I hope you can imagine that, you may be called a "professional" but that does not mean that you carry yourself as one. Is it inappropriate and unjust?  Is it correct and fair?  You know the answer to these questions.  As I was able to share, providing some teachable moments, it is something that you will be exposed to at some point in time in the field of helping others.  In fact, as a helping professional you will use your skill sets often with the adults you have to work with, just as much as the clients you are serving.  There is much to be learned here.  There are many influences and factors that go into the why, how, and all the rest.  I am not going to spell them out.  What I will say, and what I shared with my student is that you always have a choice.  You can choose to let it affect and effect you in a detrimental manner, or you can learn from it, pick your battles wisely, and ultimately accept it (not as right or fair) and cope with it in a healthy manner.  The last part is really important and if you've been hearing me along the way, you know I am real serious about self-care and well-being.  You see, the student was having such a hard time with what she was being exposed to that it was now hindering her in her personal and professional worlds.  Wasn't sleeping well, couldn't concentrate, not eating, not exercising, having a hard time being organized and following through, etc.  Yes, it was like that and that is not good, no it isn't.

So, as I write today with this example and my words.  I will say it again, and again,  Our profession is a tough one, often unpredictable, providing one with much challenge, at times coming from outside of the clients and cases we see.  If you do not maintain you amongst the day in an day out, you will see a change.  The question I present to you is, are you ready for it?  We are a prideful bunch, we help others, we're OK, we got this.  No, the strong ones are those that know when it is time to act, get the support, and the necessary help that will allow you to stay in this profession and be healthy while providing quality services, effective services, and sustainable services.  I know you can hear me, now digest this lesson and if you need to make some changes do so, if you can't get there give us a call, we are here to help you help yourself!  I wish you all well and may the weekend be spent loving and living.  As always, keep your head up and heart open!

* That is me in the pit (the holding pen where the bulls are held prior to the run) the day before I ran with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.  The year was 2003, I just came off nearly 10 years of running and it was now time to run with the bulls.  The experience was by far one of the most amazing and rewarding!  That pose was all about Can You Hear Me?

The Man With The Typewritter

Look around, what do you see?  Immersed into intention, purpose, and action I see the man with the typewriter.  The first time I saw him carry this object from the past it caught my attention, I did a double take making sure I was seeing correct.  It stuck out like it should, amongst the community of laptops, Ipads, smart phones (so smart because they stop you from actually thinking?) Ipods, and all the devices that have made the typewriter obsolete, or not.  The man with the typewriter went about his business, paying no mind to the group, one in which he did not subscribe to, he was definitely old school.  It made me think about just that, how far we have come, or perhaps how limited we have become.  I am inspired by the man with the typewriter, he taught me something that day.  He taught me that we really do not need all of this or that to get the job done, and in fact maybe all of this and that influence our opportunities in a not so beneficial manner sometimes?  We can get so caught up in what we feel we need to accomplish, while we forget and dismiss what we already have, what is enough, and what really matters.  I am thankful to have crossed paths with the man typing away.  Once again I was provided an experience that made me stop, reflect, add to my awareness and understanding, while grabbing my hand and leading me forward...

When I began writing this piece the man with the typewriter entered our shared space.  I was in the middle of a project that had outlived its time, and so I was ready to switch gears and move on.  As he arranged his writing device to begin with his work, I became inspired.  To the point that my fingers hit the keys and I just went with it.  As with everything I put down and out for those who can hear me, there has to be meaning, a message that helps you see through my eyes.  Today' message was born from being in the midst of it, and it was awareness that brought it my way.  The man with the typewriter helped me understand once again that I got what I need, and what I don't have is truly not going to negatively influence my effort, persistence, and resilience as I move forward and towards my goals.  You see, it's not the device(s) that enables you to make an impact, a difference in someone and something.  No, what you need is already there, and what it truly requires is your own effort, persistence, and your resilient being.  The man with the typewriter taught me this, and so I share this lesson with you.  As I look around at the many others staring into their laptops, consumed with the social media wavelengths, mindless and unaware, the one who is truly working is the man with the typewriter.  Remember, to keep it you must continue to work at it, to have it you must continue to embrace the learning that is present, and in order to have both you must always be available and well to receive it.  I hope you are able to see the man with the typewriter the next time you are in the middle of it.  I hope you see it so clearly, and when you do you will have just added something positive to your bucket.  Until we meet again you be well to your day, and your day will be well to you. Keep that head up and heart open!

Yes You Can!

You have to want to get better in order to get better...  Today's writing is inspired by a story I came across, Bipolar and Proud: The Incredibly True Story of Andy Behrman  http://causes.msn.com/mental_health_month/#section=infographic.  After reading this piece I decided to look deeper into this story.  What hit home was one statement that Andy made after hearing a talk from a psychiatrist “my takeaway from the talk was that one had to want to get better in order to get better.  This really resonated with me, and motivated me to go the library and check out Andy' memoir Electroboy.  You see,  the meaning, understanding, action, and intention behind these words are something that I identify with and completely embrace.  In fact, often it is the underlying force behind one changing for the better. However, as I have come to know its not that simple.  Not only do you have to want to get better, you have to believe you can get better, and the most important part of the recipe, YOU HAVE TO COMMIT TO THE WORK NEEDED IN ORDER TO GET THERE!  Once again not shouting but demonstrating the importance of these words.  My writing is influenced by many sources and experiences that have come my way, and I would be negligent with my intention if I was unable to share with you, that the underlying source behind these words is my exposure to challenge, my struggle with it, and the learning and growth that comes with wanting to get better, believing I could, and committing to the work!

So, as I write away from the Los Angles Public Library immersed into my role as a participant observer, I breathe well.  I breathe well because I know that my words are able to allow others the opportunity to learn through my eyes.  My words come from that place that is cultivated from the experience of falling down along the way, but always striving to get up and move forward.  We've all heard the statement before "you can do it if you want to."  Sounds so simple, but in fact it is not.  Just like anything that is important to us, it takes not only our attachment to, but effort, practice, patience, trust, sacrifice, determination, resilience, and every day for the rest of your days.  Yes, it does and guess what?  When you feel that you are at this place, the hardest work is yet to come.  What do I mean by that?  The maintenance of well-being and self-care is the hard part.  Think about that statement for a minute...  Now, imagine a scenario in your daily movement that throws you off your path, taking you to a place that opens the door to negative and unhealthy outcomes, it is here that you must work, you must implement the coping mechanisms, well-being skills, and tools that you have worked so hard to achieve.  You may be thinking yeah, so?  Well, the so is that at these moments it is so easy to crash out, light up, drink down, and any other way that one copes in a unhealthy manner.  It is at these moments where you have to use all you have to stand up, stay up, and be strong.  The work never ends, never stops, it is a part of you, and until you get to this place, no matter how much you want to get better to be better, you probably will fall short, convincing yourself that I just can't do it right now, someday I will, tomorrow is a new day.  Nope, suppressing and avoiding aren't your friends on this path.

Thank you once again for allowing me to share through my lens, one that is straight from the heart, an experiential journey that has provided me with so many wonderful (teachable) moments.  I have wanted to get better so that I could be better for quite some time.  I can respectfully say that I am there, amongst the often moments that I still have working towards progress.  So, as the header at the top of this site states "Words with a voice, a story, and an opportunity to inspire others to change for the better!"  This is what resides beneath Can You Hear Me?  Until we meet again may this find you well, keep your head up and heart open, you'll find your way!

Helping You Help Yourself

Here we meet again, my words and your availability.  Today, I want to write about a subject matter that has been written about before.  It has been shared by many and it inspires all of us at one time or another to be who we want to be, someone who does better because they know better.  I was inspired this week by a resource that I shared with those that can hear me http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/live-your-life-well/others.  Doing good can make you feel good, it can help you in so many ways, whether it allows you to reflect on how fortunate you really are, or take your mind off the worries that do nothing other than...  Helping others really does help you help yourself.  I often think and reflect on how I have walked through, learned from, and acted upon this.  I know that my drive, and what truly inspires me to give is rooted in the opportunity to help someone else change for the better, feel heard, supported, and ultimately relevant in a world that is not always right or correct.  

Often, helping others doesn't take much more than being available and present.  I know this sounds familiar, and if you've been following our words you recognize that it is spoken about often.  The reason is because we feel it is fundamental and primary to the process of helping others help themselves.  If you are caught up, with your head down and your heart closed, you can not be available to others, let alone to yourself.  It happens on a daily occurrence, and if you know what you are looking for and at,  it is quite easy to recognize. I'm seeing it right now as I write away. You see, when I write I am not in a quite space, behind a desk, or in a closed room by myself.  Quite the opposite, I write at my spots in the middle of a community, immersed into diversity, action, and always an opportunity to observe.  I am a participant observer in every way, and I gain so much from this process and being a part of it, seeing what most walk right by.  Sensing it and seeing it all unfold right before my eyes empowers me, educates me, and truly enhances the skills and abilities one needs in order to be aware and grow.  If you are following me I am showing you that when you understand yourself, can see others for who they are, and what they are going through, helping others is within you.  

Helping others doesn't have to be forced or difficult to achieve.  Often times it is as simple as a smile, a nod of the head, or eye contact that conveys that I got you.  Until we meet again, as always keep that head up, let your heart breathe and help someone out from time to time, you will receive as much as you give!

Just Like That

Working toward progress, how about you?  Today has been all about that!  The focus has been on the psychological and emotional needs, you know those, the ones that can consume if you are not aware, finding you overwhelmed and compromised.  This is where I found my week beginning, in a manner that pushed me towards challenge.  It seemed like my friends, the ones known as "stressors"  all wanted to hang out with me at the same time.  The only problem here is that I wasn't available or ready to have this engagement.  Isn't that how it works though?  If it was the opposite than perhaps we could prepare for them, but that is not the way it often comes.  I get that, and I am so glad that I have acquired the necessary coping skills, and a healthy lifestyle that promotes well-being.  When you have this going on you can embrace these friends in a much more manageable way.  I'm aware of this, but as we all are human, when they come at once they still have an effect.  So, as I was working through it, recognizing what was not healthy, what I could control, and how I had to keep moving forward with action and purpose I found my opening, and a way back on the path that has my back.

It's always  a process, and one that changes direction when it wants to.  Let me explain it like this.  I knew how I was feeling, I knew the sources of what was influencing this, and I knew how to take the necessary steps to manage and get through it.  However, this doesn't change how it all affects and effects your feelings, state of mind, energy, confidence, motivation, ambition, and on and on.  Therefore, the process is all of it: recognizing, addressing, and working through it.  This is the homework that you don't always enjoy doing, but you know without it you are not improving or getting any closer to a positive outcome.  This is what I know to be true and what I will always model and speak to.  IF YOU DON'T DO THE WORK YOU DO NOT CHANGE FOR THE BETTER!  I know capitals are associated with shouting, but I'm not a shouter so in this case think of these words based on their importance and not their intensity.  As always I hope I have left you with an opportunity to learn, one you can identify with, relate to, and gain from.  This writing is all about the experiential practice, something that is too vital to miss, but always available.  No matter where you are at, or what you may be going through at those times when you least expect it, you will get through it and when you do that is when you move forward to that place that welcomes you unconditionally.

I leave you with the story of 9 year old Caine Monroy, brought my way by someone who holds a very special place in my heart.  I may be the last person in this world we are living in to hear about Caine's story, but none the less I am glad that I did.  It put a smile on my face while giving me strength in my heart.  Another fine example of the spirit of our youth and how they hold the key to many lessons and opportunities for perspective enjoy! http://cainesarcade.com/  Until we meet again you be well to your day and your day will be well to you!

"There is a solution to every problem as long as you don't fear the path to the solution."

~ Alonzo Mourning

Never Give Up

  

This video may seem familiar to you, in fact you may have seen it before on the Can You Hear Me? website http://www.canyouhearme.org/  This is not an attempt to self promote, but rather it is my goal of continuing to add to your toolbox, that place that shapes and influences your capabilities and abilities, that place that you reach towards where you will locate some motivation and inspiration when you find yourself on empty.  Our practice (how we help others in need) is developed and maintained by various sources.  No one's practice is the same, although we do learn from others (i.e. mentors, teachers, role models, and gatekeepers in the field).  One of the most influential learning sources is our own story.  The story that holds our challenges, our failures, our successes, our healing, and many other factors that have directly influenced our walk on our path. We learn so much from our own story, falling down, getting up, and growing towards.  Our story has taught us so much, and within that book, new chapters are written, and new books are developed.  We strive to work towards progress, while helping others along the way.  We model our story in our actions and words, in our empathy and understanding, we model with intention and purpose.

Life and how we move through it will always provide us with many lessons.  How we embrace these opportunities will dictate what outcomes await.  It is up to us, and when we continue to get up, stand up, and work towards possibility, life is...  The example I have given you is how your story and all that has shaped and influenced your path into this field of helping others is connected to the service you provide.  When you are well, when you are available and present, it is at these moments that you are at your best, and you haven't give up.  So live your passion, live your purpose, and live your dreams as you strive to help others change for the better!  Until we meet again keep walking with your head up, and heart open.

If You Can Really...

Glad to be back it has been a few.  Writing is such a wonderful tool to express, release, and share what truly resides in that place that we carry with us throughout our days, within our thoughts, dreams, and outcomes yet to come.  Writing for me captures all of that.  When I write my heart opens up, it breathes, and in turn the words come out with ease.  When my fingers hit the keys they move in stride with intention and purpose, in a manner that helps me rise up and speak.  Today, I want to share some thoughts that have been with me over the last few days.  I have been out there networking, meeting and collaborating, and sharing what I am striving to provide. I am living and breathing my passion, and the desire I have to help in a manner that is uniquely different for some to digest.  Let me explain.  You see, when you have such a clear vision and understanding of what your mission and goals are, it makes complete sense to you.  However, the part that is not so clear and certain is how others will interpret what you are sharing and providing.  Furthermore, if it's not something that they have heard before, have had involvement with, or see the purpose of, well then.  I can see this when I speak to it, I can feel it.  It is part of the process and it is not something I am running from, but quite honestly I am embracing with my head up and my heart open!

Although at times it is a challenge to not know when the opening will come.  Wondering when I will see the fruits of my efforts and preparation put into action?  However, I don't spend too much time trying to figure this out because I know it will happen when it is meant to, and in the mean time I have to continue to put it out there.  I have to continue to trust where I am at while I work on my craft.  I must stay present and always hold on to the reality, my reality that I am working towards progress.  After all, I am a work in progress and every moment is an opportunity to learn and grow.  If you haven't noticed yet my writing is my opportunity to model exactly what I am experiencing myself.  There is not a day that goes by where I am not adding to my goal of  empowering and supporting others to change for the better, so that they can help others in a manner that they never knew was possible.  If I have lost you let me help you find the way by saying this.  If you are out there working hard to provide to others (that are in such need of help) and you keep hitting the wall, but you can't figure out what you are doing wrong? You got the assessment down, behavior no problem, good with interventions, you've crossed everything off the list, what else is there?  Well there is always more, the profession of helping others is an evolving and learning field of service.  Point being, there is always more to learn and incorporate into your practice. Of course your clients bring much into the equation, but what I am helping you focus on is what you may be bringing in right along with them.  That list and how you may feel it helps you practice is one small part of how one can help another in need.  You see, when you are providing service to those in need, if you are not self-aware and well yourself you Can Not help someone else in a manner that has any opportunity of becoming effective or sustainable. So, if you are not available and present it is fair to say that you are not taking care of you.  One way to figure this one out for yourself is to know the difference, because when you are available and present you are in that place where you can truly feel and see the suffering of those you are trying to reach.  You are willing to ask the questions you have to ask.  In this space you clearly see how the dots connect, and the outcome is not your immediate focus?  Now everything you have in your toolbox comes naturally and instinctively, you hear me?  This conversation will continue as it should but for now I will stop here.

I thank you as always for allowing me the opportunity to open my heart and share.  I thank you for allowing me to reflect, and by doing so I am empowered in a manner that validates the words of Cornell West that I have come to understand "Go on. Move on. Do what needs to be done. Care for those who require care. Spread love wherever you walk. Spread love whenever you talk."  May this find you all well and as you move through your week striving to do what is right, keep walking with your head up and heart open, and it will come to you...

Can You Hear Me?

No matter what your day has provided.  No matter where your mind has taken you.  No matter what the next chapter looks like.  May you always remember that life affords us with the best learning opportunity available, and by doing so we become empowered, we survive, and we rise.  Be strong out there keep walking with your head up and heart open!

Practice What You...

As it goes so do we.  Today, I am reflecting on how my current schedule has taken me into a much busier existence.  For the last several days I have had plenty to do, much learning to digest, many tasks at hand.  I'm launching and maintaining a business, studying for my LCSW exam, recently hired as a Field Instructor for MSW students, and looking for P/T work in a clinical setting, and that doesn't even include my down time.  I'm diversified as they say, and that is a good thing as it all pertains to helping and supporting others, which as we know, when you give you receive.  I'm excited and engaged by the work, and by no means do I view this period as stressful or taxing.  However, as we all must embrace when our schedules are filled , it may not feel as though it is stressful or demanding, but...  Our physical and emotional well-being can be put into a vulnerable spot when we don't even see it coming.  The unconscious forces have a way about themselves.  This is something that I am mindful of, and something that motivates me to make sure that I take care of myself no matter what.  So, as I felt the demands over the last few, I made sure I was acting accordingly, balancing as best as I could, and staying true to my word!

My word and all that I bring into this platform that I share with all those that can hear me is:  in order to serve those in need in a positive, effective, and sustainable manner we must be well as the professionals providing the services and support.  What does this mean?  It means much, and it takes much, and if you are reading this and you are confused, CALL ME!  As change agents we are in the position to help others change for the better in a life changing, life transforming manner.  That is a powerful position to be in, and not the power based on control, fear, or any type of $ amount one may have.  No, we as change agents have a part in helping someone in need live the a quality of life that they want to, but often can't get to on their own.  A life that doesn't include abuse, violence, neglect, mental illness, incarceration, homeless, addiction, and on, and on.  Now, if you are in a position to help facilitate change for those dealing with these risk factors and you are not well, do I even need to explain.  The lesson today is practice what you speak to, the only way is to model it and live it, demonstrating what well-being looks like.  When I found myself on the go and running today I stopped, took a pause, three deep breaths and I went to the gym.  A place where I can put the headphones on,  music in my ears,  and disappear for a few while I release the strain.  Most importantly a place where I can breathe.  As you move forward I ask you to embrace the wisdom that has become knowledge based on personal experience.

Until we meet again be strong out there, walk with your head up and heart open and it will lead you down the right path.  Can You Hear Me?

 

"To learn, read, To know, write. To master, teach."~ Unknown
 

The Journey...

"Success is a journey, not a destination.  The doing is often more important than the outcome."

~Arthur Ashe

Good day to all those that can hear me!  I'm thinking since it is Friday that there probably has been a little more bounce in your way, and even the challenges that may have presented themselves today, you managed alright.  Today, I began with a quote, one that had me reflect on where I am currently at, where I've been, and the uncertain future that awaits.  Reflection is a part of the process of learning from yesterday, so that you can truly live in today.  It is something that I find myself doing on a regular basis, and I will say it has only added to my sense of self, and my self-awareness in a truly empowering manner.  The process in itself has also enhanced my personal and professional worlds, and for that I am thankful and mindful of what I have gained!

Success...  Each one of us defines success in a manner that applies to how we fit into this world, how we walk through it, what we choose to do while we are here, and how we treat the everyday man, woman, and child we cross paths with.  For example, for myself success is not measured by the amount of money I have in my account, the title on my business card, or the mention of my name.  Success for me is exactly what Booker T. Washington so graciously stated  "it is measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has over come."  You see, when you over come you get up, you learn, you grow, and you move forward.  This process empowers you to reach further then you ever imagined.  For all you want, and all you believe you can achieve.  What it did for me was give me the strength and determination to achieve more than many ever, ever thought was possible.  What it did for me was show me the way to better myself, and by doing just this I was given something that has truly transformed my life.  I was allowed to enter into a profession that the doors don't open for everyone.  I was given an opportunity that I hold so close to my heart, a part of me that provides me with strength and inspiration every time I am able to use it .  You see, I am able to help others lift their heads up, and show them how to let their hearts open. When this happens there is an opportunity for it to carry over from person to person, in relationships, family systems, culture, and community.  That is success!

I have learned much along the way, the doing has taught me well.  I look forward to what awaits.  I'm living in the journey, not thinking about the destination!  I appreciate you following me on this one, as you move into the weekend be mindful of what matters, while walking forward with your head up, and your heart open.  Until we meet again, be strong, stand up, and stay up! 

Burning Out!

Good day to all!  If you've been following Can You Hear Me? on the social media networks: Twitter or Facebook you may have noticed that we have spent some time advocating, sharing, and discussing the importance of  self-care, and the affects and effects of burnout as it pertains to the field of helping professionals.  As with everything that we put out, put down, and give to those that can hear us, there is a purpose.  Today, I wanted to share my story and how it pertains to self-care and burnout.  My goal here is to give you a vicarious experience that will allow for a learning opportunity, moving our audience closer to grasping what has influenced our lens, and in turn what has shaped our desire to help others in the field.  So, clear your mind, grab my hand and let me walk you through some of my learning lessons in the area of self-care and burnout.

Let me begin by giving you a clear definition of what burnout is?  *Burnout  is a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. Burnout can reduce your productivity and sap your energy, leaving you feeling increasingly helpless, hopeless, cynical, and resentful (the operative word is "could" it doesn't necessarily mean it gets to that point for all who are effected by the various stages of burnout). Eventually, you may feel like you have nothing more to give.  Now that we are clear on that, there should be no mistaking of why self-care is so vital, and particularly in the field of helping others change for the better. *Melinda Smith, M.A., Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., and Robert Segal, M.A. January 2012   

My story is unique (perhaps similar to many) in that my eventual road towards burnout, and the decrease in my own self-care needs was not the magnitude of my cases, the population(s) I was serving, or the overload of work.  The contributing factors in my case were systemic ones, culture, role identity, and what others role expectations were, let me explain.  My history in the field of social work was working in two non social work systems (Juvenile Justice- Detention/Field Services & Secondary Education) where the lens and school of thought was: Law Enforcement and Education.  Although the systems both had components that were in place to provide support for the psychosocial needs of the populations (i.e. probationers & students) they were serving, the focus was not social work, social service oriented, or from a Bio, Psycho, Social, and Risk perspective.  Therefore, I was always operating against the grain and for the most part (not always there were a few objective and informed colleagues) when I would try to speak to my knowledge base, skill set, advocacy etc., the eyes often went distant, and the defense was on.  In the school system many of my job responsibilities and duties were not empowering me as a social worker, and if anything decreasing my engagement and motivation.  My roles were often looked upon and directed towards me as: punitive, disciplinarian, authoritarian.  Well, those roles are the complete opposite of what a social worker is, and most importantly not the role or identity that I subscribe to.  There were times where I was able to find the balance and use my social work skills effectively and purposefully, but more then not I felt like I was running a race, just about to finish, I could see the the finish line, but someone was always holding me by my waistband, I could never get across that line...

This story is not complete, not yet.  Now you throw in the culture that was front and center at some of the working environments that I was immersed into.  Apathy, contagion, survival mode, systemic stress due to layoffs and cuts, ineffective policy, lack of resources and support (the right kind), and so forth.  So, add these forces to what I shared above and there you have it, my emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion was influenced by heightened levels of stress that I was taking on, it was speaking to me loud and clear!  I had been suppressing for a long time, hoping there would be a better day, it never came.  It was time to make some serious and significant changes in my professional and personal worlds, and I am pleased to inform that I did!  When I speak about the importance of self care, and what can attribute to burnout, and the affects and effects of, I am truly speaking from an experiential place. Therefore, let it be known if not otherwise heard, I only want to help and support my fellow professionals.  I hope this insight is helpful to those that can hear me, please don't hesitate to reach out if and when.  Until then, keep your head up and heart open and you will walk through this world in a much healthier way!

"Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable." 

~ Denis Waitley

 About Author
 







 

Daniel Jacob, MSW  Email

Founder of Can You Hear Me? External Field Instructor at University of Southern California School of Social Work MSW@USC. Daniel has a Masters in Social Work (Families and Children Practice/School Social Work). He is currently nearing the completion of the LCSW testing process.  More about the man behind the mission ⇢

Just Do Your Best

The theme of the day is the action we create when we just do our best.  Think about these words for a moment, "just do your best." You've heard them before from friends, family, teachers and the TV, and surely you have shared them with someone as well.  I'm currently reading Don Miguel Ruiz' well known work The Four Agreements (if interested you can find it to the right on our Shelfari book shelf) and the third agreement is about always doing your best.  After digesting this shared wisdom, his words, meaning, and the truth behind this agreement, it produced instant change for me.  Often we get so caught up in what we can not control, and by doing so we lose sight of doing our best and the ability to accomplish and achieve our current task at hand.  However, when we slow the process down, and focus our efforts and energy on just doing our best, it is exactly the pause and lift we need.  For example, you know those moments when you continue to put something off that you know has to be done, consistently creating roadblocks for yourself that have done nothing other than create more suffering for???  This is a perfect time to try it out for yourself and shift your thought process from not what you don't want to do, or think you can't do, but just doing your best at it!

I can honestly and openly share with all those that can hear me that whatever it is I am putting out to you, I am putting in to me through action and purpose.  I have found through experiential learning, empirical observation, vicarious moments, and the tremendous opportunities I have received as a result, this has been my best and most available teacher.  These learning opportunities are my model, and exactly what I mean when I say "learning through the eyes of others."  So, if you can hear me, I know you are open and available to learning through my eyes, shaped and influenced by my personal, professional, academic, and the many other life learning experiences I have and will continue to gravitate towards. 

My only goal here is to empower and support those I walk with on this path of doing the right thing without thinking.  I am motivated by the opportunity to be (a part of the process of ) that helping hand, witnessing the change that comes from wanting to, believing you can, and committing to the work, in simpler terms Just Doing Your Best! May this find you all well, and until we meet again keep learning from today, so you can live in it tomorrow...

In the hills with the city of Los Angeles behind me, Can You Hear Me?

Why Is It So...

Why is it so difficult to explain to others in the non-helping world what it is you really do?  I know I am not alone in this one and so I digress.  You know that moment in time when you are having a conversation, and the person you are engaging with asks "what is it you do?"  The challenge here is not what you will say, but the fact that you have already explained it before.  First, you may think OK here we go again, I'm gonna have to really help this person (who thinks in dollars and cents) that my work is rooted in the rewards received from helping others change for the better.  This doesn't mean I don't need  a paycheck.  What it means is that my work is not rooted or motivated from financial gain, but in the joy I achieve when I am able to help others  in need sort through and break free, empowering and moving them closer to positive change.  You see, when you help someone else improve the quality of their life, you receive as well.  I know its hard for many to embrace this, especially if their concern is primarily for themselves. 

It's one of the job description categories that they forget to tell you, you're going to have to repeatedly define your work to all those who just don't see what you do.  You learn real quick when you embark into this field that you will spend some time defining what it is you do, and perhaps at times defending it as well.  How you choose to go about doing so will be up to you.  I hope you choose to do it the right way.  Don't take it personal, don't be defensive, share from your heart and the place that brought you in to this field.  And when the person receiving this starts to fidget or becomes visibly distracted, know when to shut it down while also allowing yourself to know that it takes an authentic person to be able to provide the service that you have committed yourself to.  Let this shared conversation motivate you and your practice, allowing for another learning opportunity, one that can reaffirm Why It Is So!  This post is not directed at any one individual, so if you interpret it any other way than what was intended, all I can say is that I'm not mad at you we all choose our own way, but I am thankful to have this forum to express.  May this find all those that can hear me well.  I am with you on this path, stay strong, stand up and stay up!

Stand Up!

 

Today I found myself starting out of the gate a little slow.  Mondays have that way of presenting what we may not want to face, but we know we must in order to stand up and stay up.  It's always interesting how the process works.  For example, this morning I found myself going to that place of avoidance, influenced by the uncertainty of what I don't have.  I knew what I was experiencing was nothing other than me being hard on myself.  However, it's not always easy to stop the process and this in itself sometimes feeds right into the exact thing your are attempting to manage and cope with.  You see, when you clearly understand what your experiencing, and how negative and unhealthy it is affecting you, and your still experiencing it, really?  Is this helping me right now?  No, it is not, and when you have that conversation with yourself, the one where you are rationalizing and justifying you must know you are only complicating the matter.  There is only one decision to be made at this point, its time to get up, take action, and move forward.  This is what I did (and will continue to), and this is what we all have to continue to do when we find ourselves creating unnecessary roadblocks.  

I am ready and available to provide what I know can help others breathe a little easier.  When this will happen I can not control, I can't.  I will continue to keep putting my message out to the universe the only way I know how, with respect, honesty, compassion and understanding.  I will continue to embrace rejection and disappointment as a learning opportunity, one that I will choose to inspire and empower me while I keep pushing forward because I have realized "there is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing your dream." Until we meet again may this find you well.

Is It Time To Surrender?

April here we are, and as we embrace this period of rejuvenation I do hope that all those that can hear me are well.  Today, I am choosing to write about that space where we can just let it go.  I was asked to process this statement/question today.  Am I able to just surrender?  Am I able to put that part of me that has been my constant companion for so many years in its rightful place.  On that shelf where it has a home waiting, letting the rest take its course.  You see, when we surrender we don't forget the experience of, we just move closer to not allowing it to control our actions and intention in a unhealthy way.  As I have written many times before, this thing we call life is the ultimate learning opportunity.  We have the most available choice right in front of us, and its up to us to be able to take the next step.  Of course its not always an easy process.  First, we must understand what it is we are surrendering to?  We must then be able to see how its influence effects our being.  You are now allowed to ask yourself, is this influence good for me?  Is this influence allowing you to walk forward in a healthy and peaceful manner?  If it is not, then you have the answer you need to hear, and now you can move forward, you are on the right path.  I am so inspired by the continued process of learning from being a work in progress.  The opportunities to better ourselves, to grow, and to be available and present for others is endless.  When you get there you don't have to ask anymore, you will know. 

So, if you find yourself thinking often about what you can not change, and you know that it's not doing you any good to keep around...  If your thoughts allow you to go to that place where you can see the door, and you now have figured out a way to open it...  It is here where you are allowed to go forward, it's okay you have nothing to fear, you are ready, it's time.  May this new season bring you a renewed sense of hopeful optimism, it's right there, right in front of you.  Until we meet again, stay strong, stand up and stay up!

Can You Hear Me?